mclachland: (SPN // Gray Areas)
R.C. ([personal profile] mclachland) wrote2011-10-07 04:40 pm

Oneiroi [epilogue]



prologue | one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | epilogue



There is a tree on a sun-soaked hill, an elm with resigned branches that births globules of light and thought, heavy fruit sprouting wings. They tear from the boughs and fly away, leaving the sad elm, never to return and never missed. More blossom in their place almost immediately.

He studies it -- this well-oiled machine -- and is so engrossed in the process that he does not hear the heavy footsteps in the grass behind him.

"It was the first of my dreams," Dean says, coming to stand beside Cas. He shoves his hands into his pockets and looks up at the tree with a critical eye -- usually reserved for the Impala or a piece of pie. Except this is not Dean. "I wanted an extension of me, a piece to do my work should I find myself far away. A part of me, a dream that dreams."

"It is magnificent," Cas admits, watching the process with awe. The fruit, the creatures he has come to know and fear and understand, pull away and drift into the sky. The oneiroi will find the minds of the inhabitants of some world out there, whether it is Earth or a place that does not know of angels and humans and a failed deity's kingdom. He tracks them until they leave his sight.

Dean rocks on his heels and then gazes out into the fields, sunlight reflected back in his eyes, his skin, and Cas is not sure how he could have ever thought this poorly-made copy was Dean Winchester. "It will not be long. A blip. A blink. A breath, and then you will finally be here, my Castiel, dreaming of me."

At the bottom of the hill, the tall grasses rustle and part, and Cas cannot contain the smile that blossoms across his face.

"Cas!"

He shakes his head, still smiling. "You're mistaken. It's true that someday I will be here. I will dream for you, perhaps even with you, but… I will never dream of you."

His words are final, and he leaves Morpheus on the hill to wait for the end of this blip, blink, breath.

Running down the gilded slope to join Dean, Cas holds him careful and close, swallowing his laughter and pulling him back into the grass, into gold, until they disappear.


“As I lay me down to sleep, this I pray:
that you will hold me dear.
Though I'm far away I whisper your name into the sky,
and I will wake up happy.”


End.



Notes:

So, I guess when I said that "Named" was my first and last Big Bang story, I lied. "Oneiroi" was a long time in coming, actually, having first been an original screenplay about a girl who goes into Demos Oneiroi to rescue the kid she's in love with. In 2009, I was gearing up to seriously give thought to shopping it around when I heard that Christopher Nolan was making a movie about dreams. I ended up shelving it, because who would ever contend with Christ Nolan (even if our plots were completely and utterly different)? I ended up using it for my DCBB mostly because I had only a month to write it and I could come up with nothing else.

Writing from Castiel's POV was the hardest thing about it and I probably (re: definitely) will never do that again.

I'm glad I wrote it, but I'm fucking stoked it's over. On to new things!


Thanks:

I would be completely in the wrong if I didn't thank the people who yelled/cajoled/threatened/bribed/sat up until the wee hours of the morning with/loved me throughout June and July.

First and foremost, thanks to my betas [livejournal.com profile] peroxidepest17 and [livejournal.com profile] nanoochka for pretty much carrying me through the writing process. I'm sure they were ready to murder me in cold blood if I were to say "OH GOD I CAN'T DO THIS" one more time, and no jury would convict them. Between the late night chats, treating them like my own personal sounding board, and bothering them around 2am and pleading for reassurance, I honestly couldn't have done it without them. Thank you so very much. I owe you girls everything -- and by everything, I mean most if not all of my viable, transplantable organs. I love you both.

Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] miki_moo, my fabulous artist, for her wonderful work! She is one of the sweetest, most enthusiastic people I've ever had the privilege of working with. She did a great job -- EVERYONE GO CHECK OUT HER ART!

Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] timetravel, [livejournal.com profile] staraflur, [livejournal.com profile] nightanddaze, [livejournal.com profile] alexwhitman25, and everyone else who cheerleaded/kicked my ass.

And, of course, as always: thanks to [livejournal.com profile] tigbit for being there. <3

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
I LOVE YOU MORE.

Oh, bb, remember way back when I was first starting to translate this into a SPN story and I was like "TRA LA LA THIS WILL BE SO EASY" and then it WASN'T? I couldn't have done it without you.

I WILL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW. <3333333

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
:-DDDDDDDDDDDD

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:09 am (UTC)(link)
I LOVE AND ADORE YOU AND SERIOUSLY PLZ TAKE MY LIVER. *You*, lady, are an amazing writer and comedian. I can only dream of someday having command of a sense of humor like yours. ALSO YOU ARE THE BEST COMIC WRITER EVER AND I WILL BUY AND READ YOUR COMICS SOMEDAY FOREVERRRRRRRRRRR.

Seriously though, go write stuff. The world needs to see what you can do.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:11 am (UTC)(link)
Wow, what a comment! I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! And yes, please go and check out the other stories from the wonderful writers in the D/C fandom. All the big bangs this year are phenom!

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:12 am (UTC)(link)
BREATHE.

Thank you so much for the lovely compliments! This story was so difficult to write, so I'm glad it worked for you!

<33333333333

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:13 am (UTC)(link)
When I came up with the idea a few years ago, the first thing I planned was the ending. I like that it ends on that ambiguously happy/sad note. XD

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you for reading!

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:16 am (UTC)(link)
OH HELLO LOVER.

I'm so happy you enjoyed this, Miss C. Like, especially you. You're such a wonderful writer and friend that it really makes me glad that I got to make you feel something (or all the things XD).

OKAY, THIS IS MY LAST REPLY FOR THE NIGHT. I AM LE TIRED. BUT I LOVE YOU. <3333

[identity profile] strangefancy.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:22 am (UTC)(link)
This is so beautiful, it hurts. I have a feeling. I have a bunch of feelings.

I pretty much lost my shit when Cas confessed to Dean that he couldn't be awake in a world where Dean was not. Cas's sacrifice, the simple way he kept moving towards a goal, towards Dean, without much thought of his own angst and pain really drove home how much, how deeply ingrained Dean is in Cas.

Everything was so vivid, from your intro, to the description of each dream and I have to admit, I had to slow myself down from reading because I wanted to get to Cas's favorite dream so badly (I knew it had to happen) and it didn't disappoint. There's something so endearing about Dean the way you write him through Cas's eyes and actually, something endearing about Sam as well. There's a gentleness in the Winchesters the way you write them that I think is very true to form but I don't think many people capture them. I like when they're less brittle, when you see them really shine through and I appreciate that in this fic.

I love the Cas/Sam friendship, the way that built. I love that Bobby had a cameo, I got sick at the torturing part, I'm still crying. Thank you for writing this, it was amazing and a complete joy to read.

[identity profile] gloryofspring.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 04:26 am (UTC)(link)
It may have been a challenge for you to write in Castiel's point of view, but it was completely and utterly worth it. This was absolutely incredible. Not to mention you simultaneously gave us the happy ending we craved and the angsty ending that completely destroyed us. I'm not sure how you managed that, but you did. This was INCREDIBLE and only furthers my belief that you are one of the most talented authors I have ever come across. I think my favourite part about this was Sam and Cas' friendship. You did such justice to it and it made me want to cry and smile at the same time.

[identity profile] blue-fjords.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 05:51 am (UTC)(link)
What a monumental achievement! To combine such a cerebral concept with scenes of action and terror, domestic bliss and mythology, and have everything flow? All while the theme of love and devotion permeates every scene? Damn. This was so fantastic and I'm still reeling from it, have a feeling I'll be thinking about it for a looooong time. Cas here -- my heart bled for him, he was so real, so beautiful and his love for Dean was so raw and pure. And his love for Sam and Sam's love for him -- geez, I have tears in my eyes thinking about it, gah.

I thought you did a marvelous job w/ the feeling of dread w/ the dinosaurs and the fakeout diner and the lost dude speaking a Slavic language, and I loved the flashes of humor, and the bit where Cas tells Sam to stop making fun of him for getting some references wrong (I think it touched upon a universal desire to, well, not be ridiculed -- everyone needs to feel respected by someone, I think, just as we need some kind of love, be it familial or romantic or what) but my favorite part was the boat dream. I loved how mundane and gentle it was -- Sam calling it boring was a highlight of the story. I just thought it was very special.

Brilliant tale, and engrossing, and I shall dream about it now. There shall be no doors in my dreams, though! Thank you so much for sharing your imagination and skill w/ us!

[identity profile] elvisglasses5.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 06:42 am (UTC)(link)
I just... Holy shit, dude. That was absolutely fucking phenomenal. And I mean it when I say this has been one of my favorite D/C (i.e. SPN) fics I've read. Ever.

How do I love it? I can't even begin to count the ways. Just know that the image of Cas teetering in a doorway, gazing out into endless realms of Hubble-esque beauty, and JUMPING--for Dean--will stick with me for a long long time.

Not enough applause in the world. I feel I owe (another) debt of gratitude to one C. Nolan! :D

[identity profile] lymricks.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 02:40 pm (UTC)(link)
There are so many good things to say about this and I'm not even sure where to start. I can't lie, I've been looking forward to your big bang since I read Named admittedly, well behind your actual posting date and curious.

There's always some interest in seeing an author write well and then wondering if the next thing will be just as well or eh or totally the same thing in a not good way. This was perfect. Originally, what drew me to Named was your summary. It was perfect. It told me nothing about the story (well, not REALLY) but made me want to read it. This summary was the exact same thing. You should give a class on summaries.

Anyway, before this gets too weird and creepy, I just want to say that your prose and voice are both amazing. The original and interesting plot aside, the way you write your characters is actually amazing. Even through Castiel's POV, you manage to give Sam, Dean, Gabriel, Isis, and even Morpheus completely unique voices. You give readers this amazing ability to hear them as if we were RIGHT THERE and listening. It's great. Your descriptions are poetic without being long and confusing, and you balance the line between prose and plot very well.

And your plot was great. That's such a bummer about Inception, because the whole time I was reading this I was thinking "I'd see that movie." It converted well into SPN though, and the way you handled Castiel's belief in his father and the discovery of Morpheus was beautiful.

My favorite part, my absolute favorite part, is the way you handle Castiel's in-between phase as human and angel. I loved that his grace was literally ripped from him and that he struggled to adjust. The best part of the whole thing was during his Re-education, when you really beautifully combined his experience as an angel in heaven with his new human senses, how he knew there wasn't that physicality to heaven, but he saw it anyway and it made sense.

Anyway, this is getting long and creepy. In short, you are a wonderful writer and this was a beautiful story.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 06:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 06:57 pm (UTC)(link)
What a wonderful comment! Thank you so very much!

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 08:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! Writing Cas was hard as fuck. UGH. NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN.

AND DON'T YOU BADMOUTH JESUS CHRIST-OPHER NOLAN.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 08:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! I'm so happy you enjoyed it!

[identity profile] tonje90.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 08:44 pm (UTC)(link)
This fic was amazing... And it cut my heart out with a steakknife and stomped on it. In a good way. I actually had to stop during Cas' dream about his life with Dean because it was happy, and I knew that if I kept writing I would cry myself to sleep.
It kind of sucks that you gave up shopping the idea around, because this would be an amaaaazing movie! But it's incredible as a BB!
Alright, I'm babbling... Anyway, just wanted you to know how much I loved this :-)

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 11:02 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm so happy that you liked the way I wrote Cas -- IT WAS FUCKING HARD, SO I'M GLAD IT PAID OFF.

How can he have this one, short life with Dean (not even knowing if he'll have it WITH Dean) and then go to spend eternity with Morpheus?

It's funny that you treat it like a terrible thing. For the original story, I had a sequel planned where the girl character (Cas) goes to Demos Oneiroi after her year's up and the guy character (Dean) goes after her with the intent to kill Morpheus. But when he gets there, she's like, "Actually... he's kind of awesome." BIG TWIST. XD

Anyway, I'm so happy you enjoyed this. Thank you so much!

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 11:09 pm (UTC)(link)
OH MY GOD, I NEVER COULD HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT YOUR CONSTANT CHEERLEADING. THANK YOU SO MUCH, BB. MWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 11:09 pm (UTC)(link)
I hope Cas gets something like his dream future with Dean!

Me too. :-D

Thanks for reading! <333

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 11:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow. Dude, what a compliment! Thanks.

AND YES. WE NEED TO MAKE *ALL* THE ZOMBIE MOVIES.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 11:11 pm (UTC)(link)
::clutches hearts and mofo flowers:: YAYAYAYAY!

I'm so happy you enjoyed both "Oneiroi" and "Named"! Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback!

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 11:11 pm (UTC)(link)
DON'T CRY ON THE TRAIN. People will look at you funny!

You rock, too! Thank you so much!

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-13 01:36 am (UTC)(link)
I AM VERKLEMPT. I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO REPLY TO THIS AMAZING COMMENT SO I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS:

Image

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-13 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
I'm really happy that you liked the writing style and the language. I put a lot of effort into it; I feel like Castiel's mind would be beautiful so I tried to reflect that in the style. It was stupidly hard, but I'm glad it paid off.

I WILL TAKE YOUR SNOT THOUGH.

Thanks so much, bb. <333333

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