Oneiroi [epilogue]
Oct. 7th, 2011 04:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mclachlandThere is a tree on a sun-soaked hill, an elm with resigned branches that births globules of light and thought, heavy fruit sprouting wings. They tear from the boughs and fly away, leaving the sad elm, never to return and never missed. More blossom in their place almost immediately.
He studies it -- this well-oiled machine -- and is so engrossed in the process that he does not hear the heavy footsteps in the grass behind him.
"It was the first of my dreams," Dean says, coming to stand beside Cas. He shoves his hands into his pockets and looks up at the tree with a critical eye -- usually reserved for the Impala or a piece of pie. Except this is not Dean. "I wanted an extension of me, a piece to do my work should I find myself far away. A part of me, a dream that dreams."
"It is magnificent," Cas admits, watching the process with awe. The fruit, the creatures he has come to know and fear and understand, pull away and drift into the sky. The oneiroi will find the minds of the inhabitants of some world out there, whether it is Earth or a place that does not know of angels and humans and a failed deity's kingdom. He tracks them until they leave his sight.
Dean rocks on his heels and then gazes out into the fields, sunlight reflected back in his eyes, his skin, and Cas is not sure how he could have ever thought this poorly-made copy was Dean Winchester. "It will not be long. A blip. A blink. A breath, and then you will finally be here, my Castiel, dreaming of me."
At the bottom of the hill, the tall grasses rustle and part, and Cas cannot contain the smile that blossoms across his face.
"Cas!"
He shakes his head, still smiling. "You're mistaken. It's true that someday I will be here. I will dream for you, perhaps even with you, but… I will never dream of you."
His words are final, and he leaves Morpheus on the hill to wait for the end of this blip, blink, breath.
Running down the gilded slope to join Dean, Cas holds him careful and close, swallowing his laughter and pulling him back into the grass, into gold, until they disappear.
that you will hold me dear.
Though I'm far away I whisper your name into the sky,
and I will wake up happy.”
End.
Notes:
So, I guess when I said that "Named" was my first and last Big Bang story, I lied. "Oneiroi" was a long time in coming, actually, having first been an original screenplay about a girl who goes into Demos Oneiroi to rescue the kid she's in love with. In 2009, I was gearing up to seriously give thought to shopping it around when I heard that Christopher Nolan was making a movie about dreams. I ended up shelving it, because who would ever contend with Christ Nolan (even if our plots were completely and utterly different)? I ended up using it for my DCBB mostly because I had only a month to write it and I could come up with nothing else.
Writing from Castiel's POV was the hardest thing about it and I probably (re: definitely) will never do that again.
I'm glad I wrote it, but I'm fucking stoked it's over. On to new things!
Thanks:
I would be completely in the wrong if I didn't thank the people who yelled/cajoled/threatened/bribed/sat up until the wee hours of the morning with/loved me throughout June and July.
First and foremost, thanks to my betas
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
peroxidepest17 and nanoochka for pretty much carrying me through the writing process. I'm sure they were ready to murder me in cold blood if I were to say "OH GOD I CAN'T DO THIS" one more time, and no jury would convict them. Between the late night chats, treating them like my own personal sounding board, and bothering them around 2am and pleading for reassurance, I honestly couldn't have done it without them. Thank you so very much. I owe you girls everything -- and by everything, I mean most if not all of my viable, transplantable organs. I love you both.Thanks to
miki_moo, my fabulous artist, for her wonderful work! She is one of the sweetest, most enthusiastic people I've ever had the privilege of working with. She did a great job -- EVERYONE GO CHECK OUT HER ART!Thanks to
timetravel, staraflur, nightanddaze, alexwhitman25, and everyone else who cheerleaded/kicked my ass.And, of course, as always: thanks to
tigbit for being there. <3
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 02:55 pm (UTC)I LOVE YOU! <333
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Date: 2011-10-12 03:07 am (UTC)Oh, bb, remember way back when I was first starting to translate this into a SPN story and I was like "TRA LA LA THIS WILL BE SO EASY" and then it WASN'T? I couldn't have done it without you.
I WILL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW. <3333333
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Date: 2011-10-10 03:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 03:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 07:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 03:09 am (UTC)Seriously though, go write stuff. The world needs to see what you can do.
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Date: 2011-10-10 08:50 pm (UTC)I first read Named and loved it and I loved this even more because we have Cas's pov *_* And Gabriel, oh Gabriel! The subtle ways he showed himself, then end, it was glorious!
I felt like Cas when he learned that Morpheus was everything. Your concepts and the way you work around ideas and myth is just breathtaking. And Cas, such a beautiful, beautiful human. The process of emotional-feeling he went through was very realistic. And his sacrifice because Dean is worth it and the conversation they had was guh.
Sam oh Sam. I can't deny that since season 4 I turned into a Dean!girl, but Sam had my heart first and this made me remember why. Olivia and Jess and childhood and hugs and so clever! all that makes him the brother, the best friend, just Sam. It was wonderful reading him and his friendship and brother devotion.
Deaaaaaan you broke my heart with how beautiful you dream-proposed Cas and how in dreams Cas is Castiel and and I'm just glad that one day you'll be able to say Cas loves you and you get your happy ending.
Thank you so much for writing this *__* big bangs, for me, are inspiring and must be put on pedestals for the rolles coaster sensations you go through. So thanks again. I love that I get to read Dean/Cas from amazing writers. <3<3<3
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Date: 2011-10-12 03:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 10:22 pm (UTC)Just. Breathless.
<333333
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Date: 2011-10-12 03:12 am (UTC)Thank you so much for the lovely compliments! This story was so difficult to write, so I'm glad it worked for you!
<33333333333
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Date: 2011-10-10 11:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 03:13 am (UTC)I'm so glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you for reading!
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Date: 2011-10-10 11:54 pm (UTC)This was seriously incredible. For a story that the real and true Dean was barely even in, it was so infused with deandeandean the entire time. You never had to stop and question what Cas was fighting for. Just, wow. Heartbreaking and vivid, and simply wonderful.
I was gettign a Neil Gaiman vibe through the whole thing. That's how epic your writing is. I could so easily see picking up on a copy og this on a bookstore shelf.
You are so incredibly talented. I want to write like you when I grow up.
♥
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Date: 2011-10-12 03:16 am (UTC)I'm so happy you enjoyed this, Miss C. Like, especially you. You're such a wonderful writer and friend that it really makes me glad that I got to make you feel something (or all the things XD).
OKAY, THIS IS MY LAST REPLY FOR THE NIGHT. I AM LE TIRED. BUT I LOVE YOU. <3333
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Date: 2011-10-11 12:43 am (UTC)This was really great to read and it was fun to see how horrifying dreams can be with the imagery and what happens, but it gets written off in the dream as normal. Sam's wife with no face and Jess as a burnt corpse. Things that you would think would tip you off that you're in a dream, but instead it was words. Neat.
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Date: 2011-10-12 06:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 06:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-11 01:52 am (UTC)In which this is most utterly gorgeous and achy in all the best ways. Your Cas is perfect and his transition from Castiel was heart breaking. I just want to wax poetic about everything this is. It's magical and dreamlike and a fantastic piece of writing.
Also Nolan can suck it.
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Date: 2011-10-12 08:04 pm (UTC)AND DON'T YOU BADMOUTH JESUS CHRIST-OPHER NOLAN.
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Date: 2011-10-11 02:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 08:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-11 03:04 am (UTC)I cannot imagine the depth of love Castiel feels for Dean in this - giving up his Grace, that I can see - but spending eternity in a loveless relationship, dreaming forever of all the could-bes and might-have-beens just so that Sam and Dean can have normal lives? It's mind-blowing and utterly amazing that you can convey that in the written word the way you have.
You have written such a compelling Cas here. He's alien (as always) and yet so indefinably real, concrete, human. I just don't have the words to express how incredible this is, truly. His choices both make my heart swell and clench painfully; how? How can he have this one, short life with Dean (not even knowing if he'll have it WITH Dean) and then go to spend eternity with Morpheus? It's just so painful and lovely.
I never thought anything would top "Named" as my favorite. I'm going to have to read this one a few more times and let it sink in - I'm still reeling here. :)
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Date: 2011-10-12 11:02 pm (UTC)How can he have this one, short life with Dean (not even knowing if he'll have it WITH Dean) and then go to spend eternity with Morpheus?
It's funny that you treat it like a terrible thing. For the original story, I had a sequel planned where the girl character (Cas) goes to Demos Oneiroi after her year's up and the guy character (Dean) goes after her with the intent to kill Morpheus. But when he gets there, she's like, "Actually... he's kind of awesome." BIG TWIST. XD
Anyway, I'm so happy you enjoyed this. Thank you so much!
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Date: 2011-10-11 03:08 am (UTC)This was incredible and beautiful and engrossing and ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS.
I shouldn't be commenting immediate post reading like this because I'm overwhelmed with the squee and just want to rain HEARTS AND GOLD STARS over you instead of leaving a coherent and thought out response.
Your Cas perspective? Was a thing of wonder. It made me have A LOT OF FEELINGS, beautiful, heart pounding feelings.
You should be so, so proud of what you created here, bb. WELL DONE, MADAME. WELL DONE.
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Date: 2011-10-12 11:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-11 04:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 11:09 pm (UTC)Me too. :-D
Thanks for reading! <333
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Date: 2011-10-11 06:34 am (UTC)I don't even have words for how awesome this story is, but I do want to say I loved every single word of it. And I was so happy to see Sam throughout! Sam and Cas are total besties.
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Date: 2011-10-12 11:10 pm (UTC)AND YES. WE NEED TO MAKE *ALL* THE ZOMBIE MOVIES.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2011-10-11 08:42 am (UTC)I just read named last month, and now I feel totally spoiled by you. Wonderful rich story telling. Thanks for this!
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Date: 2011-10-12 11:11 pm (UTC)I'm so happy you enjoyed both "Oneiroi" and "Named"! Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback!
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Date: 2011-10-11 08:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 11:11 pm (UTC)You rock, too! Thank you so much!
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Date: 2011-10-11 11:12 am (UTC)Also? Castiel's voice is hard to get right, but you absolutely nailed it. And that ending hit just the right note of bittersweet. I couldn't have asked for more <3
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Date: 2011-10-13 01:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-11 01:23 pm (UTC)So I liked this. Plus, you know, dinosaurs.
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Date: 2011-10-13 01:39 am (UTC)I WILL TAKE YOUR SNOT THOUGH.
Thanks so much, bb. <333333
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Date: 2011-10-11 02:50 pm (UTC)I love your Cas… I struggled with writing Cas POV too in Something Stupid but I think you've gotten a real handle on the stoicism, devotion and loyalty that are the basis for his humanity. The Cas I've seen on the show is so very much the Cas who would give up his Grace again for Dean in this story, even if it dooms him to return to Morpheus (and you better damn well be writing a sequel where they find a loophole!). I loved how Dean came to realize how much Castiel cares about him (it was really only at the end of the fic that I realized Dean hadn't actually been in it very much, but he's ever-present because he's so clearly ever-present to Cas) – it means so much more after 6.22-7.02. So damn bittersweet to have Cas realizing his "future" with Dean was also an illusion.
Just so damn well done, sweetness, really. ♥♥♥♥♥
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Date: 2011-10-13 01:44 am (UTC)ANYWAY.
I'm so happy you enjoyed the story. Your comments and compliments make all the tears and sleepless nights totally worth it. Thank you so very much. NOW ONTO YOUR DCBB! <3333
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2011-10-11 07:54 pm (UTC)And Cas and Sam! <333
Gabriel, of course, is always a lot of fun.
This was a great read! I'm so glad you finished it!
no subject
Date: 2011-10-13 01:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-11 08:03 pm (UTC)I can't . . . . .really where are my words? I always have words. But now I'm wiping away tears in my office and . . . . .
You use words like thread on a giant loom, weaving them together in crescendos of imagery and then the quiet moments like "I don't want to be awake in a world without you" . . . . . This was beautifully, heartbreakening written. Thank you for sharing this.
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Date: 2011-10-13 03:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-11 08:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-13 03:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-11 11:10 pm (UTC)You're wonderful. Talent of a kind that makes me want to just give up and go home.
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Date: 2011-10-13 03:33 am (UTC)Moment's over. NO IT'S NOT.
OMG THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR SUCH HIGH PRAISE. COMING FROM YOU? IT MEANS THE WORLD.
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Date: 2011-10-12 12:25 am (UTC)Thank you. <3
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Date: 2011-10-13 03:35 am (UTC)