mclachland | Oneiroi [epilogue]

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Oneiroi [epilogue]

prologue | one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | epilogue

There is a tree on a sun-soaked hill, an elm with resigned branches that births globules of light and thought, heavy fruit sprouting wings. They tear from the boughs and fly away, leaving the sad elm, never to return and never missed. More blossom in their place almost immediately.

He studies it -- this well-oiled machine -- and is so engrossed in the process that he does not hear the heavy footsteps in the grass behind him.

"It was the first of my dreams," Dean says, coming to stand beside Cas. He shoves his hands into his pockets and looks up at the tree with a critical eye -- usually reserved for the Impala or a piece of pie. Except this is not Dean. "I wanted an extension of me, a piece to do my work should I find myself far away. A part of me, a dream that dreams."

"It is magnificent," Cas admits, watching the process with awe. The fruit, the creatures he has come to know and fear and understand, pull away and drift into the sky. The oneiroi will find the minds of the inhabitants of some world out there, whether it is Earth or a place that does not know of angels and humans and a failed deity's kingdom. He tracks them until they leave his sight.

Dean rocks on his heels and then gazes out into the fields, sunlight reflected back in his eyes, his skin, and Cas is not sure how he could have ever thought this poorly-made copy was Dean Winchester. "It will not be long. A blip. A blink. A breath, and then you will finally be here, my Castiel, dreaming of me."

At the bottom of the hill, the tall grasses rustle and part, and Cas cannot contain the smile that blossoms across his face.

"Cas!"

He shakes his head, still smiling. "You're mistaken. It's true that someday I will be here. I will dream for you, perhaps even with you, but… I will never dream of you."

His words are final, and he leaves Morpheus on the hill to wait for the end of this blip, blink, breath.

Running down the gilded slope to join Dean, Cas holds him careful and close, swallowing his laughter and pulling him back into the grass, into gold, until they disappear.

“As I lay me down to sleep, this I pray:
that you will hold me dear.
Though I'm far away I whisper your name into the sky,
and I will wake up happy.”

End.

Notes:

So, I guess when I said that "Named" was my first and last Big Bang story, I lied. "Oneiroi" was a long time in coming, actually, having first been an original screenplay about a girl who goes into Demos Oneiroi to rescue the kid she's in love with. In 2009, I was gearing up to seriously give thought to shopping it around when I heard that Christopher Nolan was making a movie about dreams. I ended up shelving it, because who would ever contend with Christ Nolan (even if our plots were completely and utterly different)? I ended up using it for my DCBB mostly because I had only a month to write it and I could come up with nothing else.

Writing from Castiel's POV was the hardest thing about it and I probably (re: definitely) will never do that again.

I'm glad I wrote it, but I'm fucking stoked it's over. On to new things!

Thanks:

I would be completely in the wrong if I didn't thank the people who yelled/cajoled/threatened/bribed/sat up until the wee hours of the morning with/loved me throughout June and July.

First and foremost, thanks to my betas

peroxidepest17 and

nanoochka for pretty much carrying me through the writing process. I'm sure they were ready to murder me in cold blood if I were to say "OH GOD I CAN'T DO THIS" one more time, and no jury would convict them. Between the late night chats, treating them like my own personal sounding board, and bothering them around 2am and pleading for reassurance, I honestly couldn't have done it without them. Thank you so very much. I owe you girls everything -- and by everything, I mean most if not all of my viable, transplantable organs. I love you both.

Thanks to

miki_moo, my fabulous artist, for her wonderful work! She is one of the sweetest, most enthusiastic people I've ever had the privilege of working with. She did a great job -- EVERYONE GO CHECK OUT HER ART!

Thanks to

timetravel,

staraflur,

nightanddaze,

alexwhitman25, and everyone else who cheerleaded/kicked my ass.

And, of course, as always: thanks to

tigbit for being there. <3

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

For the longest time, your Castiel from Something Stupid was how I imagined him. He was so uncertain and bad ass and QUOTING AWESOME MOVIES, and I began questioning my own interpretation of Castiel because it was conflicting with yours. I was starting to make myself a little crazy and decided to go with a more formal, lyrical version, because there was no way I'd ever make him as amazing as yours.

ANYWAY.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the story. Your comments and compliments make all the tears and sleepless nights totally worth it. Thank you so very much. NOW ONTO YOUR DCBB! <3333

Thanks, bb! It was a big undertaking but I'm glad it's done.

We REALLY do! I need to write down that one dream I had, b/c it has potential to be the most epically hilarious B-movie ever.

Wow. I... don't know what to say to such a beautiful comment. "Thank you" seems so inadequate, but it's really all I've got. So, thank you. <33333333

Wow! Thank you so much! <3

OH GOD I AM HAVING A FLAILY FANGIRL MOMENT BECAUSE YOU ARE ONE OF MY ALL-TIME FAVES AND I AM NOT WORTHY.

Moment's over. NO IT'S NOT.

OMG THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR SUCH HIGH PRAISE. COMING FROM YOU? IT MEANS THE WORLD.

Oh goodness, thank you so much! <333333

Thank you so much! I think my favorite thing to write was the Sam & Castiel Hour; I feel like they would be the most awesome BFFs ever. SHOW NEEDS TO BRING CAS BACK AND THEN GET ON THAT.

Thank you so much for your wonderful comment! I'm so glad you liked it!

This comment is absolutely gorgeous. I mean, the words are just exquisite. After I was done blushing and toeing at the ground, I read it a second time and went, "Wow. That's a real pretty comment."

So, thank you so much for writing such beautiful feedback (as well as any kind of feedback XD). I'm so happy that this story made you feel something -- or a bunch of somethings, as it were! <3333

I'm really loving everyone's reaction to the ending. I was hoping this would happen! I'm so glad that you liked the story, but especially Sam and Cas's friendship (that was my favorite thing to write).

Thank you so much! <333

This...I don't have the words. First there's the lore and just brilliantly used background information to create the world. Then there's the actual world with your brilliant descriptions. And, finally, there are the characters, with there beautiful actions and reactions and thoughts and feelings.

All Cas's impulsive need to save, to return to life, to make happy, just rushing forward for Dean. It was fantastically executed and left me unable to stop reading, and yet forced me to take breaks, or I fear it may have torn my heart even worse than it did. And it really did. What Cas promised Morpheus for his friends, eternity with one he has no want of after a brief life with the one he wants always.

I am not sure if this is a wise thing to post now. I'm a bit tired, on the edge of sleep deprivation, and this is one of those stories that makes me turn all my thought in. Makes me wonder what if and why, and makes me dream about possibilities. Added to the tired and I fear this comment will be edging towards maudlin and probably repetitive.

I'll just leave it with this. Thank-you for the beautiful story.

~Zirra

Woah. Somewhere in chapter eight, I had the thought that this story was too original, too good to be used as fan fiction. You deserve to make money off of this story. I suppose that it started out as a screenplay explains that. But really, it was wonderful and unique. I've been reading without knowing what is going to happen AT ALL and it's a wonderful feeling that you don't see much in fanfiction. Thank you so much for writing this. :)

Gorgeous story. Castiel's quiet devotion was beautiful to see throughout the story. And of course Morpheus wants him for his own. Who wouldn't?

AB-SO-LUTE-LY A-MAZ-ING

First off, I can't help but me saddened we live in a world where people like you don't actually write for spn. This beats even my most favorite and cherished of episodes.

I absolutely ADORED the mythology. If there's anything I love to fucking death it's when good mythology is melded perfectly in a destiel story, showing it doesn't have to be all sex or all sappy heartbroken Castiel or have some big ooc declaration of love and everything is rainbows and butterflies. It can have an actual well-developed, progressive, interesting storyline to back it up and actually make you want to read the whole thing and appreciate it as a STORY not just a destiel story. But the mythology in particular, I literally flailed everywhere. It totally entranced me.

Castiel, wow, I know you said it was difficult to write him, but it was so worth the effort. It was perfect in that you didn't make him this weak sappy useless angel pathetically in love with Dean. He was still an angel, loved heaven and his father and his brothers , but obviously would not budge in the beliefs that humanity, and the Winchesters, had helped him come to realize. He just also happened to be tethered to this man whom he'd loved from the second he laid eyes on his soul. You turned him into this multidimensional, deep feeling, and complex character we all know he is but rarely get to really see on the show.

I love that you fully acknowledged that Sam and Cas have their own relationship separate from Dean. Sam wasn't like, "Yeah, whatever, stop bitching Cas and let's find DEAN." He truly felt and cared about Castiel in all he was going through, even before it started, trying to convince him not to give up his grace, that they would find another way. He cared as much about Cas's well being and his personal need to find Dean as his own. And on the flipside of that, Castiel's affection for Sam, oh god, it makes me all warm inside. Of course his dreams with Dean would involve Sam being happy and ever present in their lives .

There were two lines in particular where I doubled over with laughter:
"If I went any slower, we'd be too late to save everybody's favorite dipshit, and then you'd do the eyes and I'd never hear the end of it," and "Hey, fuck you, sandals! You don't get to decide that shit!". The first I can just hear Gabriel saying, because he cares but really he doesn't care and it's all fun for him. And the second, I just need to applaud you, because of course, OF COURSE it would be Dean Winchester calling the father of all things Sandals. It's too perfect, I can't handle it. OH, I just remembered, Dean calls the chainsaw Betty, just so you know, perfection, totally my headcanon now, I don't even care.

I think the thing that really struck me, though, was that the story created itself so well in my head. I'm a particularly visual reader and sometimes I find myself, even with the best of stories, having to stop and construct and reconstruct certain scenes in my head because I either wander away from what I'm reading or there just isn't that bit of...I don't know, spark, in the writing that immediately lends itself to creating the scene for yourself, but I had no problem with this story from word one. I read seamlessly like a mad woman and was able to enjoy the story so much more because of it. It was detailed and read so smoothly the only time I did stop was to go on and on to myself about how amazing the story was.

Some thoughts that don't really fit in but I feel the need to mention: The depiction of heaven was so cruel, yet so believable. Being an angel stan I am usually one to forgive any and all of them for how they behave, but your idea of 're-education' is something that could absolutely be canon from the way the show plays it out. When it comes down to it 99% of them are just demons with wings and a nice package for the reason they are so horrible. And this didn't occur to me until the end of the fic, but the man in the hall before they go into Castiel's fishing dream, I was suddenly like "Oh god. He's still there." And while I am naturally overly sympathetic, I think it shows the quality of a writer if they can make the reader feel for someone who is not important to the overall story. It was such a small part, predictable even, like Castiel says, they were told there were people who'd wandered in accidentally and are stuck there forever, but it spoke so much of the real danger and endlessness of the place. The way it had the possibility to drive someone absolutely mad and they're just there, for eternity. A glimpse of horror that still leaves just enough to the imagination. It's a fucking terrifying thought and you painted it perfectly.

I can't say enough about this story. It's more than just a fanfiction, if this hadn't been Destiel, hell I'd have read it on its own. Congratulations and thank you for producing such a wonderful, amazing, perfect piece of work.

Wow, that's pretty amazing to hear! That is very much how I see Cas: he has that uncertainty and world-weariness and almost an emotional detachment about him – but all threaded through with poise and confidence, and general badassery, and his obvious love for Dean. I think he is hard to write well because he is such an enigma. Edlund made the comparison with Asperger's/high-functioning autism, and he does have that feel to him. I wonder if that's why Edlund inserted the man with autism into Castiel's Heaven?

Your version reads a true to my own headcanon version of Cas as I've ever read!

Gorgeous, gorgeous story. I am in awe of how wonderfully you write. The mythos you drew in and the arc of the story were just... wow. I couldn't stop reading! I saw in some of the comments that you struggled with Cas' POV and I would have never guessed! I just seemed so effortless!

but they say easy reading is damn hard writing!

I'll be thinking about this one for a long long time. So wonderful.

Man, I am so happy you liked this. The more I re-read it, the more I think of all the things I didn't put in it. I wrote the story in a month, so I really only had time for what you read, but there was supposed to be so much more. More dreams, more cohesiveness, more memories and fears, two more dreams from Sam, an appearance by Jimmy, and a bunch of other shit. It kind of blows my mind when people say they love this story because I'm kind of like "BUT IT'S NOT REALLY AS COOL AS IT COULD'VE BEEN."

Anyway. I took half an ambien a few minutes ago and I'm kinda ramble-y, but thank you so much for the wonderful feedback. AND GOOD, I'M GLAD YOUR DREAMS ARE DOORLESS. AS THEY SHOULD BE.

And I mean it when I say this has been one of my favorite D/C (i.e. SPN) fics I've read. Ever.

Holy crap, that is some high praise. I don't even know what to do with that. I'm currently hiding my face in my hands and squealing. My dog's looking at me, like, "there is something wrong in your brain, bitch."

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I'm so, so happy you enjoyed it!

HOLY YOUR COMMENT IS HUGE, BATMAN.

The first thing I would like to address is the one line summary. Honestly? I can't write summaries for shit. At all. The working summary for this story was "CAS AND SAM'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE IN DREAMLAND AND IT'S RIDIC AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE VELOCIRAPTORS, YOU FUCKERS." Seriously. That was the summary I started with. I looked at all the big bang summaries in the artist claims, plus all the

spn_j2_bigbang summaries from each year, hoping to get a clue, but I am just incapable of writing a concise synopsis. One liners like this summary and the one for "Named" just seem... easier. I try not to give anything away, but just enough that interests might be piqued. Mostly I just try to avoid writing an actual summary like a normal person. XD

ANYWAY. Your comment wasn't creepy at all. It was fantastic! It really warms me when a reader can pick out the things they liked and why; it tells me I'm doing something half-right. My writing tends to be very cinematic, so I tried to tone it down a little. Looks like I failed, but I'm not too choked up about it. Whatever works, right?

Thank you so much for reading and for your wonderful comment! <3333

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! And never apologize for babbling -- it's how I live. XD

Wow! What an amazing comment! Not maudlin or repetitive at all! I wish I had something better to say than "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU," but it's really all I've got.

So, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

Somewhere in chapter eight, I had the thought that this story was too original, too good to be used as fan fiction.

You're not the first to tell me that my stories don't read like fanfiction. I dunno. It's weird. I'm weird. XD It was a bitch to write, but I'm pretty happy with it. I'm glad you are too.

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! <3333

Thank you so much! <33333

This is the most epic comment I've ever seen. AND IT'S ALL FOR ME!! \o/

First, I'm really happy that you liked Castiel's characterization here. I've read plenty of stories where he's turned into some kitten in the rain, crying and moping and heartsick emo kid, but I've also read plenty where he's a total BAMF with the driest sense of humor ever. I don't think anyone's version of him adheres strictly to the canon, but I picked aspects of his canon character and meshed it with what I think he could be. All up to interpretation, I s'pose, but I hope someone'd kill me if I ever drifted into the sappy emo!Cas territory. XD

The other thing is Sam and Castiel's relationship. I really think they could be total besties; there's an interesting and playful dynamic there that we've only caught glimpses of on the show. Like when Castiel went on a bender. The way he interacted with Sam was hilarious and well-written, and all I wanted from that was more. When I didn't get more, I decided to write it for my damn self, because I want Dean to someday ask who Sam is calling and Sam's all, "idk my bff Cas?"

I'm a visual reader too, so I know exactly how you feel. When I have an idea, I will spin it into a six-part miniseries in my mind, down to camera angles and shit, until I have an entire visual representation of what it is I'm writing. Before I even put pen to paper, I'll usually end up in photoshop to see what I can make. This (http://i56.tinypic.com/346kmzr.jpg) was the first thing I did before I wrote a single word. It's not the elm, but I had to have some kind of visual for the tree and the oneiroi.

As for Heaven... I wanted to show that it's really no different than Hell, which makes sense. Lucifer and his followers were all angels before the demons were created, which means Hell was created from Heaven's cast-offs. I wanted to show that for all the angels' righteous posturing and moto bullshit, they really aren't anything more than -- as you said -- demons with nicer packaging. I mean, when Cas came back totally changed in 4.20? Some awful shit had to go down in order to scrub him of everything.

Anyway, I'm so glad you loved the story enough to leave that beast of a comment. I opened up my email this morning, read your comment, and cried. It was the best gift a writer can receive. Thank you so much.

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Page 3 of 8

Oneiroi [epilogue]

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Part 2 because I went over the character limit.

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Re: Part 2 because I went over the character limit.