Oneiroi [epilogue]

[mclachland]

prologue | one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | epilogue


There is a tree on a sun-soaked hill, an elm with resigned branches that births globules of light and thought, heavy fruit sprouting wings. They tear from the boughs and fly away, leaving the sad elm, never to return and never missed. More blossom in their place almost immediately.

He studies it -- this well-oiled machine -- and is so engrossed in the process that he does not hear the heavy footsteps in the grass behind him.

"It was the first of my dreams," Dean says, coming to stand beside Cas. He shoves his hands into his pockets and looks up at the tree with a critical eye -- usually reserved for the Impala or a piece of pie. Except this is not Dean. "I wanted an extension of me, a piece to do my work should I find myself far away. A part of me, a dream that dreams."

"It is magnificent," Cas admits, watching the process with awe. The fruit, the creatures he has come to know and fear and understand, pull away and drift into the sky. The oneiroi will find the minds of the inhabitants of some world out there, whether it is Earth or a place that does not know of angels and humans and a failed deity's kingdom. He tracks them until they leave his sight.

Dean rocks on his heels and then gazes out into the fields, sunlight reflected back in his eyes, his skin, and Cas is not sure how he could have ever thought this poorly-made copy was Dean Winchester. "It will not be long. A blip. A blink. A breath, and then you will finally be here, my Castiel, dreaming of me."

At the bottom of the hill, the tall grasses rustle and part, and Cas cannot contain the smile that blossoms across his face.

"Cas!"

He shakes his head, still smiling. "You're mistaken. It's true that someday I will be here. I will dream for you, perhaps even with you, but… I will never dream of you."

His words are final, and he leaves Morpheus on the hill to wait for the end of this blip, blink, breath.

Running down the gilded slope to join Dean, Cas holds him careful and close, swallowing his laughter and pulling him back into the grass, into gold, until they disappear.


“As I lay me down to sleep, this I pray:
that you will hold me dear.
Though I'm far away I whisper your name into the sky,
and I will wake up happy.”

End.


Notes:

So, I guess when I said that "Named" was my first and last Big Bang story, I lied. "Oneiroi" was a long time in coming, actually, having first been an original screenplay about a girl who goes into Demos Oneiroi to rescue the kid she's in love with. In 2009, I was gearing up to seriously give thought to shopping it around when I heard that Christopher Nolan was making a movie about dreams. I ended up shelving it, because who would ever contend with Christ Nolan (even if our plots were completely and utterly different)? I ended up using it for my DCBB mostly because I had only a month to write it and I could come up with nothing else.

Writing from Castiel's POV was the hardest thing about it and I probably (re: definitely) will never do that again.

I'm glad I wrote it, but I'm fucking stoked it's over. On to new things!


Thanks:

I would be completely in the wrong if I didn't thank the people who yelled/cajoled/threatened/bribed/sat up until the wee hours of the morning with/loved me throughout June and July.

First and foremost, thanks to my betas peroxidepest17 and nanoochka for pretty much carrying me through the writing process. I'm sure they were ready to murder me in cold blood if I were to say "OH GOD I CAN'T DO THIS" one more time, and no jury would convict them. Between the late night chats, treating them like my own personal sounding board, and bothering them around 2am and pleading for reassurance, I honestly couldn't have done it without them. Thank you so very much. I owe you girls everything -- and by everything, I mean most if not all of my viable, transplantable organs. I love you both.

Thanks to miki_moo, my fabulous artist, for her wonderful work! She is one of the sweetest, most enthusiastic people I've ever had the privilege of working with. She did a great job -- EVERYONE GO CHECK OUT HER ART!

Thanks to timetravel, staraflur, nightanddaze, alexwhitman25, and everyone else who cheerleaded/kicked my ass.

And, of course, as always: thanks to tigbit for being there. <3

Comments

[seacity.livejournal.com]

I just spent the whole night reading this and it has blown me away. I had chills the entire time. The dream world you created is amazing. I felt so bad for Cas, but I'm so happy his favorite dreams came true, lol.

This is definitely a story I'll come back to again and again. Thanks so much for sharing with us! :)

[countess-k.livejournal.com]

Let me start by saying I'm a picky reader. There are many amazing stories out there but if the writing isn't up to standard I just won't be able to read them. Looking at the D/C BB list this year there were only two authors I was certain of without having to even look at their stories: zatnikatel and you.

I'd read Named before this although this is the first time I'm commenting; I'm mainly a lurker and most times shy to comment. But I read this and I couldn't stay quiet, because it was truly a work of art. There were parts where my heart strings were tugged to breaking point and parts I felt I couldn't go on. But most importantly it was so well written I never felt I was reading anything but the work of a professional writer.

This now stands next to Named as one of the best fanfics I've read in this fandom, and perhaps one of the best ever. I'm so happy there are so many amazing writers in this fandom and even happier that so many of them are D/C inclined. Hope to see more from you because I will always seek you out as one whose work would never disappoint.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_jessen_/]

Ah, this fic. It was amazing. What an amazing story, all of this was. While reading it, I would pause and do other things and have to remember that I am not dreaming (but how can I be sure?) and quickly get back to reading. (I would have watched the hell out of this if it had been turned into a movie. As it has not, I will reread the hell out of it and read more of your works~)

Anyway, wonderful and terrific job. <3

[gabby-silang.livejournal.com]

This is absolutely gorgeous. Wonderful, visual, sensual, and engrossing. Such a great story.

AND you should totally shop around that script. Fuck Nolan.

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Finally got round to reading this and I have to say, it was wonderful. Your Castiel voice was perfect - a blend of bewilderment, innocence, love and deep stoked passion. Whatever efforts you put into writing from his POV, it was well worth it. I loved your Sam too, his affection and loyalty were heartwarming.

Now all I can do is hope that Cas got to realise his dream for real, and that Morpheus doesn't think about snuffing out Sam and Dean early, in order to get Cas into the dream realm quicker.

[brokentoy.livejournal.com]

i think you broke me.

your storytelling is beautiful, your Cas-voice flawless. Reading this felt like flowing through Cas' mind and thoughts and it was so heartbreaking I can assure you I just feel like crying in a corner now :)

you depicted Cas so beautifully, I think the way you shaped the story around his devotion and love for Dean won't be easily forgotten. At least I can promise you I won't be able to forget it for a long time.

I felt so much for him; his struggles and his battles, the years of torture he endured and the million of miles he walked to find Dean...poor Cas, sacrificing everything he had and not once regretting it.

he's a hero and the saddest part is that Dean will blame himself through their all life together; even though I'm sure they'll be happy and live for centuries and millennia. It cannot be otherwise, they do deserve their eternity together and Morpheus can just suck it. He'll never have Cas for Sam will find that loophole and everything will be fine.

(if I delude myself I can be a little less heartbroken over this. maybe :)

there was love in every word of this, dripping from Cas directly onto the reader. Thank you so much :)

[hipsterhattrick.livejournal.com]

Wow.
I am so happy I found this.
I'll probably make excuses for this in the morning, like, "I'm PMS-ing!" "It was late!" "I got a small fly in my eye!" but for the sake of total honesty, I will admit that this legitimately had me crying. My god. It was all so visually on-point, and it literally had my heart racing at every left turn--
Wow.
So, so happy I found this.
Thank you.

[tullywickett.livejournal.com]

God, just.

This is fucking beautiful. This is everything I could ask for in what I wish happened in canon and more.

So much gross sobbing. Thank you for letting me think, for a moment, in a dream, that this is their story and not what I watch otherwise.

All my love.

[alphareaper723.livejournal.com]

I absolutely adored this story. As I was reading it, I couldn't help but think "Two more chapters left? How is she going to pull this story off?" And from the beginning of chapter 8 to midway through, I kept squealing out loud, amazed at the turn of events, yet muttering to myself "Of course he would desire Castiel, he's the angel who dreams..." Cas' dreams were sumptuous and I thoroughly enjoyed this. Oh, I want to wax poetic about this story because you packed so much into what feel like it could have lasted two SPN seasons. But I'll simply stop and just say it was lovely. It certainly put a smile on my face even with the emotional roller coaster and bittersweet ending.

Is there any chance you will add this to AO3 one day? I would love to hold onto this story for my e-reader (it only likes epubs).

[raecorban.livejournal.com]

This was such a lovely story. I mean, not all of it was pleasant (I felt so ill during that torture scene that I had to quit for a bit and come back to this fic), but every part of it weaved together so well. I'm surprised you found writing in Cas's POV so hard because you do it beautifully.

There's a certain perfection in how you decided to end this: I'm left extremely uneasy about the fact that, when the Winchesters are finally left to rest in heaven and it's Cas's turn to die in the first realm, Cas will not be granted the chance to go and see them again. I HATE the thought that he'd be barred from heaven, from spending eternity with their souls, but what he had as an alternative to Morpheus's ultimatum was worse. And in making this an epilogue where Cas has a lifetime to love Dean and Sam as a human, but must leave them in the end, it just makes the love he feels so much more saturated and beautiful, what with the confines of its brevity.

Thanks for this. Cas was gorgeous and you're a wonderful wonderful writer. :'-)

[allwedidwaskiss.livejournal.com]

this broke me into tiny little pieces, i'll never find them all. it was beautiful and ripped my heart out all at once. magnificent writing, truly.

you made my feelings work.
<3

[illenxe.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, I stumbled upon "Named" first from a rec post and I instantly fell in love with your writing, the descriptions, the plot, the absolute breathtaking way you write the characters and the direction of the story. This story was no less gorgeous and the idea behind it is so unique. I'm off to read your other works :) You are such an amazing writer!!

[cyanidedrake.livejournal.com]

(I'd like to apologize in advance for this. It's probably going to be a ramble..)

Wow. That was.. i can't even describe it. It wasn't like the usual stories I read where I constantly have to take a break to just imagine where I want the story to go. I wan't sad or happy reading this, I didn't anticipate the next part sitting on the edge of my seat.

That's why it's so good. The quietness of the whole thing. This whole journey, seeing Castiel grow into humanity. It creeps up on you, slowly leading you deeper. That is why this will stay with me. It didn't drag me in from the start, I didn't love it right away. It was slow building. The best way to love something.

At the end of this I find myself with tears in my eyes without noticing, and the only thing I can really say is; it was beautiful.

[thad bishop (from livejournal.com)]

Look at me I came back O:

So I think my reading this was a long time coming but I just kept putting it off because I very much judge books by their covers, or more specifically their titles, and seeing "Oneiroi" as a title? Well I had no idea what it meant or what its significance was so I just skipped over it, when I first read Named and caught sight of it, and then when I read Named again and saw it again. I finally decided it was time when I saw someone's post on Tumblr describing some of the things that you wrote into it, and I saw your name and decided well if mclachlan wrote it how much am I gonna dislike it really

I did not dislike it at all. Or rather, oh my God this was so great.

I think I didn't notice while reading, but after, that you definitely struggled with writing it in Cas' point of view. The story was smooth and flowing as your writing always tends to be, but there was something /about/ it. I can't even explain it. Maybe it's /because/ it was in Cas' POV, but I think there was much more difficulty imbibed in every word. Idk, maybe you did it on purpose, considering the tone, with Dean braindead and Cas giving up his wings and the utter darkness of some parts. Regardless, I loved it, it was just different than my expectations.

I was so pleased with just everything that happened in Demos Oneiroi. Especially when they went through the one of three doors. At the beginning I was convinced it was a dream and then nearing the end, I was convinced it was real life and that they HAD failed, even though logically it couldn't have been, especially considering all the chapters that I had yet to read xD Aside from that, the whole torture memory Cas was thrown into. Oh my God. i was just like aching for him to escape, just HE'S BEEN THERE EIGHT YEARS UGH. And then after that I kept wondering why he didn't control the dreams like he had that one.

And then I'll assume Cas' dream about the future becomes a reality because everyone knows time is an illusion and if Cas is a dreaming angel then he can dream about things past present and future.

I will probably reread it in about a year :P, and probably give Named another go, too.

[cassiopeia-17.livejournal.com]

hey you..

i just want you to know how my heart keeps on breaking and how some stupid needles keep poking at it..

your story is one of the most beautiful i have ever read. you trump Harry Potter in my book.. it's so hearbreakingly sweet. how much Castiel is willing to sacrifice for Dean and Sam. Specially for Dean. You're story is amazing as fuck. How you manage to pull this piece of art of awes me. It make take some time for me to recover this one. I'm at the office and I'm willing myself not to bawl over and cry like some lunatic.

I'm really glad i read this story.. I really love it.

[marskels.livejournal.com]

okay, wow, as if my heart wasn't shattered after reading this for the first time, I can certainly attest for the second time.
I will never get over how amazing this fic is! it will forever be among my favorite of favorites :'D

[theredison.livejournal.com]

Oh god all my creys at this ending. I was doing so well until that ending I can't. ;;

[notjezkah.livejournal.com]

You are incredible. That is all.

[cptnsuz.livejournal.com]

Just have to leave a brief comment about how well-written this fic is. And the Sophie B. Hawkins lyrics here at the end of the epilogue... I hadn't thought about that song in forever but they fit very nicely.

[gabby2253.livejournal.com]

I just finished this today, and WOW! this was amazing, and Cas' domestic!dream brought me to tears. I really think Cas would do anything for Dean, and I think this showed how far he would go.

This was amazing and creative, and I enjoyed it so very much!

[chrysler11.livejournal.com]

That was a very short epilogue, but I think it was perfect--Morpheus--nice as he may be--has to live with the fact that he may have an eternity with Castiel, but he'll never have Castiel for eternity--If you're gonna care for a free willed being, it's just something you gotta live with, I guess. AMAZING story--I'm gonna ransack your profile for more stories now

[orange-8-hands.livejournal.com]

Wow. This was just...you took us on a journey with your words and it was a beautiful one. I appreciate this fic as much as I liked it.

(Also that Olivia dream/life of ch.7 is a wonderful AU world.)

Just, excellent job on this, and I give you kudos for keeping the bittersweet ending to it. Wonderful world, wonderful myths, wonderful storytelling.

[ext-1881585.livejournal.com (from livejournal.com)]

Once again, I am blown away at the beauty and imagery that you create. There is such character depth and feeling that I am at a loss! Thank you.