mclachland: (SPN // Gray Areas)
R.C. ([personal profile] mclachland) wrote2011-10-07 04:40 pm

Oneiroi [epilogue]



prologue | one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | epilogue



There is a tree on a sun-soaked hill, an elm with resigned branches that births globules of light and thought, heavy fruit sprouting wings. They tear from the boughs and fly away, leaving the sad elm, never to return and never missed. More blossom in their place almost immediately.

He studies it -- this well-oiled machine -- and is so engrossed in the process that he does not hear the heavy footsteps in the grass behind him.

"It was the first of my dreams," Dean says, coming to stand beside Cas. He shoves his hands into his pockets and looks up at the tree with a critical eye -- usually reserved for the Impala or a piece of pie. Except this is not Dean. "I wanted an extension of me, a piece to do my work should I find myself far away. A part of me, a dream that dreams."

"It is magnificent," Cas admits, watching the process with awe. The fruit, the creatures he has come to know and fear and understand, pull away and drift into the sky. The oneiroi will find the minds of the inhabitants of some world out there, whether it is Earth or a place that does not know of angels and humans and a failed deity's kingdom. He tracks them until they leave his sight.

Dean rocks on his heels and then gazes out into the fields, sunlight reflected back in his eyes, his skin, and Cas is not sure how he could have ever thought this poorly-made copy was Dean Winchester. "It will not be long. A blip. A blink. A breath, and then you will finally be here, my Castiel, dreaming of me."

At the bottom of the hill, the tall grasses rustle and part, and Cas cannot contain the smile that blossoms across his face.

"Cas!"

He shakes his head, still smiling. "You're mistaken. It's true that someday I will be here. I will dream for you, perhaps even with you, but… I will never dream of you."

His words are final, and he leaves Morpheus on the hill to wait for the end of this blip, blink, breath.

Running down the gilded slope to join Dean, Cas holds him careful and close, swallowing his laughter and pulling him back into the grass, into gold, until they disappear.


“As I lay me down to sleep, this I pray:
that you will hold me dear.
Though I'm far away I whisper your name into the sky,
and I will wake up happy.”


End.



Notes:

So, I guess when I said that "Named" was my first and last Big Bang story, I lied. "Oneiroi" was a long time in coming, actually, having first been an original screenplay about a girl who goes into Demos Oneiroi to rescue the kid she's in love with. In 2009, I was gearing up to seriously give thought to shopping it around when I heard that Christopher Nolan was making a movie about dreams. I ended up shelving it, because who would ever contend with Christ Nolan (even if our plots were completely and utterly different)? I ended up using it for my DCBB mostly because I had only a month to write it and I could come up with nothing else.

Writing from Castiel's POV was the hardest thing about it and I probably (re: definitely) will never do that again.

I'm glad I wrote it, but I'm fucking stoked it's over. On to new things!


Thanks:

I would be completely in the wrong if I didn't thank the people who yelled/cajoled/threatened/bribed/sat up until the wee hours of the morning with/loved me throughout June and July.

First and foremost, thanks to my betas [livejournal.com profile] peroxidepest17 and [livejournal.com profile] nanoochka for pretty much carrying me through the writing process. I'm sure they were ready to murder me in cold blood if I were to say "OH GOD I CAN'T DO THIS" one more time, and no jury would convict them. Between the late night chats, treating them like my own personal sounding board, and bothering them around 2am and pleading for reassurance, I honestly couldn't have done it without them. Thank you so very much. I owe you girls everything -- and by everything, I mean most if not all of my viable, transplantable organs. I love you both.

Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] miki_moo, my fabulous artist, for her wonderful work! She is one of the sweetest, most enthusiastic people I've ever had the privilege of working with. She did a great job -- EVERYONE GO CHECK OUT HER ART!

Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] timetravel, [livejournal.com profile] staraflur, [livejournal.com profile] nightanddaze, [livejournal.com profile] alexwhitman25, and everyone else who cheerleaded/kicked my ass.

And, of course, as always: thanks to [livejournal.com profile] tigbit for being there. <3

[identity profile] queengeekkeri.livejournal.com 2011-10-14 03:58 am (UTC)(link)
Part 7 Cas' dream, I had tears running down my face when he finally realized it was a dream. When Dean called him Castiel I just burst. It was like watching Ghost & The Notebook rolled into one.

This was so fantastic. You should be proud. I'd like to think that Dean comes to his sense after he gets out of the hospital & Cas gets that life that he dreamed.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-14 03:59 am (UTC)(link)
YOU are amazing! Thank you so much for reading and commenting! <333

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-14 04:00 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so very much! I'm so happy you enjoyed it! <3333

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-14 04:01 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! Now dry those tears. <3333
ext_8908: Flapping crane (Castiel)

[identity profile] bientot.livejournal.com 2011-10-14 09:10 am (UTC)(link)
First let me admit I don't do horror, I don't do scary or creepy - I avoided SPN for years because my first impression of it was 'creepy' and I DON'T DO THAT. Don't get me wrong, I'm not all puppies and rainbows - I'm an angst junkie above all (which is why, when I finally overcame my preconceptions, I became totally hooked) - but I'm way too squeamish when it comes to graphic violence and pain. SO....

There were times I almost jumped ship on this. I had a hard time with the torture, the pain, the fear, but persevered because I was so caught up in the characterization and the imagery and the wonder of this world you created. I had to see where you were taking it, so I stayed with it and by the end I was weeping openly but so glad I carried on. This is a brilliant piece of writing, of world-building, so fantastical but so psychologically true. You mention having had difficulty with Castiel's POV but it doesn't show; he is so vivid and real and ... I'm tearing up again, just thinking about his experiences here!

I could go on and on - the growth of the friendship with Sam, the amazing depth of each dream, the lyricism of the language and the way it entwined in my imagination - but I've made this more about me than about you already and I only meant to say that this is a spectacular piece of poetic prose I will not easily get over.

Now I need to start reading EVERYTHING ELSE YOU'VE WRITTEN. Thank you for writing.

[personal profile] infini 2011-10-14 12:53 pm (UTC)(link)
Omggg this is so freaking epic and I love it! It has rendered me speechless and I don't know what to say!

[identity profile] samincittagazze.livejournal.com 2011-10-14 05:33 pm (UTC)(link)
I...I actually have no words for this. I have read a lot of fanfic, in different fandoms, and this stands as one of my absolute favourites of all time. I adore your Cas, I am desperately in love with him, I love the dreams and the fairy-tale quality, the way it was a rough re-telling of the Snow Queen. I love the imagery and the mythology, the revisiting of Cas's torture at the hands of Heaven. I love the idea that god is not God, and that the universe is not all encompassing, and that happy endings are happy even when they're sad. I almost wish you had kept this as your original screen-play, because I'd have watched this film in a heart beat. It's too good to be wasted in a fanfiction world where it will never be a legal and fully original piece of writing. But at the same time I'm glad you did, because I got the pleasure of reading it.

That is an awful lot of gushing for one comment, my apologies. But this story really sparked with me, and I shall carry it around with me for a while.

[identity profile] elfinmouse.livejournal.com 2011-10-15 12:22 am (UTC)(link)
I have to say this is one of the best short stories I've read - fanfiction or original fiction. You touched on and explored all the aspects of Castiel I love the most, and really captured his voice. I'm amazed at how much you made Dean centeral and essential to the story despite his not actually being there until the end; and of course I loved that you fleshed out the deep friendship Castiel has with Sam.

Seriously - thanks for posting this. I enjoyed every moment of reading it.

[identity profile] fine-feathered.livejournal.com 2011-10-15 02:35 am (UTC)(link)
my god this was so beautiful and tragic. I love the way you write, it's haunting and subtly weaves creeping menace into the story. I cried like a baby in parts and grinned like an idiot in others. wonderful characterisation, Castiel is a true hero in this and the way you expressed his love for Dean was magnificent. thank you for writing this and well done on a breath taking story.

[identity profile] tygerc.livejournal.com 2011-10-15 07:09 am (UTC)(link)
Wow. I don't really have words to describe how utterly awesome this is. Thank you for writing it.

[identity profile] elemersglue.livejournal.com 2011-10-15 12:30 pm (UTC)(link)
"You're mistaken. It's true that someday I will be here. I will dream for you, perhaps even with you, but… I will never dream of you."

/deaaaaad.

Oh my gosh, this is amaaaaaazing. I really am so emotional right now, I can't even- sooooo good yet soooo absolutely sad. What a bittersweet ending. You had me crying at some parts, but I was BAWLING when I was reading chapter 7, Jesus.

Brb, now off to read "Named" :)

[identity profile] clay-roses.livejournal.com 2011-10-15 04:27 pm (UTC)(link)
You know how sometimes you'll come across a story, or a movie, or a song that makes you want to shout my god, or eureka, or what is this I don't even---!, or some such other noise of discovery and revelation? A story that makes you want to pick up a pen and just start writing, because damn, it was that good that you can't help but feel inspired... But yet at the same time makes you want to burn all of your notebooks and pens in a fit of depressive rage because you know you'll never touch upon something so wonderful yourself?

Oneiroi for me is one of those stories.

I downloaded the PDF a few days ago and only had time to start reading it this morning, but ended up demolishing it in an hour. There was a sort of breathless suspension to all the action. Points in the action where the outcome was certain (I'm thinking particularly of when Castiel thought they'd chosen the wrong door, but in reality they'd picked the exact right one) you infused the story with this...tension, not necessarily propelled by 'what's going to happen next' so much as 'how will the characters react to what is coming next' and you gave them organic feeling, honest reactions and emotions, fleshed out and creatively turned. That to me is truly fantastic. Even though I knew what was going to happen (well, not details, obviously, but the basics, because in a quest story the quest must continue until the end, yes?) I was still enthralled and involved. It all felt familiar and yet odd, just like a dream itself.

This story made me laugh (Sam and dinosaurs! All the men in dream-niece-Mary's life thinking of ways to bury her boyfriend!), gasp (Castiel, easy as breathing, deciding to give his Grace for Dean, acting as though of course, what else would I do?) and cry--actual, tears streaming down my face, runny nose cry. There is so much I could/want to say in praise, so many small details and concepts you introduced and played with and mythology you involved that I would love to point and squeal over in my comment, but the ending--oh my god, the ending!

It's beautiful and bittersweet and we don't get confirmation that Castiel is ever really with Dean in "real life" until that small turn of phrase in the epilogue--Dean going to Castiel by the tree, and calling him "Cas", Castiel going to meet him and showing that Dean is there in the dream with him, showing that Morpheus kept his word and Dean is truly allowed to go wherever he wants, and where he wants is to be with Cas, and Cas with him...broke me, in the best possible way. Just...I love this story, and I am now going to devour everything else you've written that I can clap my eyes on.

[identity profile] fred-bear.livejournal.com 2011-10-16 03:39 am (UTC)(link)
Holy shit. This was amazing. So full of feelings and layers. Such beautiful and descriptive writing. Thank you for sharing.

[identity profile] hollybennett123.livejournal.com 2011-10-16 11:41 am (UTC)(link)
This was utterly, outrageously beautiful. I cried (full on sobbed) twice, I laughed countless times, I gasped out loud, I went through every possible emotion reading this and enjoyed every second. The sex scene was incredible, your descriptions exquisite and the twists and turns of the story had me hanging onto every word. Gabriel's character was used wonderfully, and added some humour that complemented the darker, sadder undertones of the story perfectly. Your incredible writing really made me feel the love Cas has for Dean and as the story progressed it became more and more obvious, both shocking in its intensity and yet not unexpected at all because it's Cas.

This is truly one of the most wonderful stories I have ever had the pleasure of reading, and I will be boomarking it to enjoy many more times in the future. You should be immensely proud of this; thank you for producing something so fantastic :) ♥

[identity profile] sunlight-dust.livejournal.com 2011-10-16 09:16 pm (UTC)(link)
askdjfaslk ugh ughhhhh I'm hating myself for not being able to think of a coherent enough depiction of my feelings. I just adored the imagery you created and the weight of the story as a whole was really fantastic.
Named was one of my favorites from last year's Big Bang so when I saw you had written this, I admit there was a moment where I let out some weirdly pitched squeal that only dogs could hear.

Anyway, I could wax poetic about this fic but in the end, I'd just be embarrassing myself so I'll just express the fact that if this fic were a person, I'd take it out to a nice, romantic dinner.
ext_3277: I made this (Cas)

[identity profile] laura-trekkie.livejournal.com 2011-10-16 11:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Lovely ending.

"I will dream for you, perhaps even with you, but… I will never dream of you."

This line just summed it all up. No matter what Morpheus throws at Cas, no matter how persuasive or manipulative he is, no matter how quickly he gives into anything Cas asks of him, or how much he makes himself look, sound and act like Dean, Cas will never feel for him what he feels for Dean.

Laura.

[identity profile] cedelede.livejournal.com 2011-10-17 05:01 am (UTC)(link)
My mind is blown.

I actually feel kind of fragile after reading this. I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad so I'm stuck sitting here with tears in my eyes and a weird trembly smile on my face.

The mythology in this fic is staggering and amazing. And Morpheus is a complete asshole.

But, ultimately, mythos aside, this is the story of Castiel's love for Dean and what depths he would go to for his human. What sacrifices he is willing to make. And oh are they ever gut-wrenching sacrifices.

And the dreams! The beautiful dream life. It was like we got fic wrapped in fic and I only hope that Dean, Cas, and Sam got to achieve the kind of happiness or something close to it in reality.

Another thing I appreciated about this fic was the way it pointed out how both Sam and Dean take advantage of Cas and are always assuming the worst about him. The way Sam was shown the things that Cas had gone through for them had me shouting, "FINALLY!"

So yeah. Brilliant fic. You've emotionally ruined me for the night.

[identity profile] rsasai.livejournal.com 2011-10-17 07:25 am (UTC)(link)
You killed me. I'm sitting here, sobbing my heart out, and can barely breathe because you've just... broken me.

This was beautiful in a thousand ways, and still so very, very sad.

*cries*

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-17 02:04 pm (UTC)(link)
First, let me thank you for sticking with the story, despite the torture and violence. I promise, it was there for a reason (it wasn't like Saw). But yeah, admittedly, it was pretty rough, so again, thank you for not diving overboard. ::hugs::

Also, thank you so much for reading and commenting. I'm so happy Castiel's characterization worked for you (he was such a biiiiiitch to write)!

All my other stuff is pretty torture-and-pain-free, so have at it! And thank you again! <333
Edited 2011-10-17 14:11 (UTC)

[identity profile] takadainmate.livejournal.com 2011-10-17 09:55 pm (UTC)(link)
I finished reading this yesterday, but I really have to reply and tell you how incredible this was. Such a rich, interesting story, full of just so much pain and truths and everything we never get to see in show.

The image of Morpheus will always, to an extend, be set as Neil Gaiman's Dream, but still the idea of him being more powerful than God was a really unique idea. I would be interested to understand why Morpheus was so interested in keeping Cas as his own. I think your Sam and Cas relationship was beautifully realised, your Gabriel too, and of course, I adored the dinosaurs!

In all, thank you for sharing this, and it was an amazing read that kept me reading for many many hours!

[identity profile] quiddative.livejournal.com 2011-10-18 02:24 am (UTC)(link)
sdlfkghalksdfhlakdsfj;.

Oh my goodness, this fic. You have slain me. I started bawling in chapter 7 and didn't stop until now and just. Gahhhhh! This was absolutely beautiful, everything I never knew I needed, and, for what it's worth, I'd totally prefer this over Nolan's Inception (that's not to say it wasn't good but this fic blows it out of the water.)

There are so many things I want to spazz at you for but we'd be here all day if I did. Just. Your writing was fantastic, I could visualize everything perfectly in my head, and Cas' characterization was so spot-on and heartbreaking and glaksdjfaf.

Basically, ALL THE FEELINGS <333333

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-19 01:20 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! <333

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-19 01:22 am (UTC)(link)
Wow, thank you so much! I've never read the Snow Queen (I will!), but I'm glad things about this story resonated with you.

Anyway, thank you again! <3

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-19 02:28 am (UTC)(link)
Wow! What a huge compliment! Thank you so much for your wonderful words! <333

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-19 02:29 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much for reading! I'm so happy you enjoyed it.

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