mclachland: (SPN // Gray Areas)
R.C. ([personal profile] mclachland) wrote2011-10-07 04:40 pm

Oneiroi [epilogue]



prologue | one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | epilogue



There is a tree on a sun-soaked hill, an elm with resigned branches that births globules of light and thought, heavy fruit sprouting wings. They tear from the boughs and fly away, leaving the sad elm, never to return and never missed. More blossom in their place almost immediately.

He studies it -- this well-oiled machine -- and is so engrossed in the process that he does not hear the heavy footsteps in the grass behind him.

"It was the first of my dreams," Dean says, coming to stand beside Cas. He shoves his hands into his pockets and looks up at the tree with a critical eye -- usually reserved for the Impala or a piece of pie. Except this is not Dean. "I wanted an extension of me, a piece to do my work should I find myself far away. A part of me, a dream that dreams."

"It is magnificent," Cas admits, watching the process with awe. The fruit, the creatures he has come to know and fear and understand, pull away and drift into the sky. The oneiroi will find the minds of the inhabitants of some world out there, whether it is Earth or a place that does not know of angels and humans and a failed deity's kingdom. He tracks them until they leave his sight.

Dean rocks on his heels and then gazes out into the fields, sunlight reflected back in his eyes, his skin, and Cas is not sure how he could have ever thought this poorly-made copy was Dean Winchester. "It will not be long. A blip. A blink. A breath, and then you will finally be here, my Castiel, dreaming of me."

At the bottom of the hill, the tall grasses rustle and part, and Cas cannot contain the smile that blossoms across his face.

"Cas!"

He shakes his head, still smiling. "You're mistaken. It's true that someday I will be here. I will dream for you, perhaps even with you, but… I will never dream of you."

His words are final, and he leaves Morpheus on the hill to wait for the end of this blip, blink, breath.

Running down the gilded slope to join Dean, Cas holds him careful and close, swallowing his laughter and pulling him back into the grass, into gold, until they disappear.


“As I lay me down to sleep, this I pray:
that you will hold me dear.
Though I'm far away I whisper your name into the sky,
and I will wake up happy.”


End.



Notes:

So, I guess when I said that "Named" was my first and last Big Bang story, I lied. "Oneiroi" was a long time in coming, actually, having first been an original screenplay about a girl who goes into Demos Oneiroi to rescue the kid she's in love with. In 2009, I was gearing up to seriously give thought to shopping it around when I heard that Christopher Nolan was making a movie about dreams. I ended up shelving it, because who would ever contend with Christ Nolan (even if our plots were completely and utterly different)? I ended up using it for my DCBB mostly because I had only a month to write it and I could come up with nothing else.

Writing from Castiel's POV was the hardest thing about it and I probably (re: definitely) will never do that again.

I'm glad I wrote it, but I'm fucking stoked it's over. On to new things!


Thanks:

I would be completely in the wrong if I didn't thank the people who yelled/cajoled/threatened/bribed/sat up until the wee hours of the morning with/loved me throughout June and July.

First and foremost, thanks to my betas [livejournal.com profile] peroxidepest17 and [livejournal.com profile] nanoochka for pretty much carrying me through the writing process. I'm sure they were ready to murder me in cold blood if I were to say "OH GOD I CAN'T DO THIS" one more time, and no jury would convict them. Between the late night chats, treating them like my own personal sounding board, and bothering them around 2am and pleading for reassurance, I honestly couldn't have done it without them. Thank you so very much. I owe you girls everything -- and by everything, I mean most if not all of my viable, transplantable organs. I love you both.

Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] miki_moo, my fabulous artist, for her wonderful work! She is one of the sweetest, most enthusiastic people I've ever had the privilege of working with. She did a great job -- EVERYONE GO CHECK OUT HER ART!

Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] timetravel, [livejournal.com profile] staraflur, [livejournal.com profile] nightanddaze, [livejournal.com profile] alexwhitman25, and everyone else who cheerleaded/kicked my ass.

And, of course, as always: thanks to [livejournal.com profile] tigbit for being there. <3

[identity profile] tigbit.livejournal.com 2011-10-10 02:55 pm (UTC)(link)
WEEEEEEE!!! Dude! I am so proud of you for writing this. You always blow me away with your ideas and concepts and this is no exception. You told me about this story months ago and it sounded fucking incredible. You're seriously one of the most creative and talented people I know, and I'm all a;lsdkfja that this is posted and I am going to ATTACK it. Attack it.

I LOVE YOU! <333

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
I LOVE YOU MORE.

Oh, bb, remember way back when I was first starting to translate this into a SPN story and I was like "TRA LA LA THIS WILL BE SO EASY" and then it WASN'T? I couldn't have done it without you.

I WILL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW. <3333333

[identity profile] c00kie.livejournal.com 2011-10-10 03:39 pm (UTC)(link)
<33333333333

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
:-DDDDDDDDDDDD

[identity profile] peroxidepest17.livejournal.com 2011-10-10 07:34 pm (UTC)(link)
<3333 TRUST ME it was my pleasure. Every time I read this story I felt like it was something EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE TO READ, like if there was a required reading list for D/C homework as an introduction into fandom or something. Seriously, your words, EVERY TIME, got me straight in my cold black heart and made me FEEL THE FEELINGS. Also you write Cas perspective perfectly and I wish I could kidnap the current writing staff and plug you in their place instead. <3

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:09 am (UTC)(link)
I LOVE AND ADORE YOU AND SERIOUSLY PLZ TAKE MY LIVER. *You*, lady, are an amazing writer and comedian. I can only dream of someday having command of a sense of humor like yours. ALSO YOU ARE THE BEST COMIC WRITER EVER AND I WILL BUY AND READ YOUR COMICS SOMEDAY FOREVERRRRRRRRRRR.

Seriously though, go write stuff. The world needs to see what you can do.

[identity profile] manuuchin.livejournal.com 2011-10-10 08:50 pm (UTC)(link)
asdfghjkl;!

I first read Named and loved it and I loved this even more because we have Cas's pov *_* And Gabriel, oh Gabriel! The subtle ways he showed himself, then end, it was glorious!

I felt like Cas when he learned that Morpheus was everything. Your concepts and the way you work around ideas and myth is just breathtaking. And Cas, such a beautiful, beautiful human. The process of emotional-feeling he went through was very realistic. And his sacrifice because Dean is worth it and the conversation they had was guh.

Sam oh Sam. I can't deny that since season 4 I turned into a Dean!girl, but Sam had my heart first and this made me remember why. Olivia and Jess and childhood and hugs and so clever! all that makes him the brother, the best friend, just Sam. It was wonderful reading him and his friendship and brother devotion.

Deaaaaaan you broke my heart with how beautiful you dream-proposed Cas and how in dreams Cas is Castiel and and I'm just glad that one day you'll be able to say Cas loves you and you get your happy ending.

Thank you so much for writing this *__* big bangs, for me, are inspiring and must be put on pedestals for the rolles coaster sensations you go through. So thanks again. I love that I get to read Dean/Cas from amazing writers. <3<3<3

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:11 am (UTC)(link)
Wow, what a comment! I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! And yes, please go and check out the other stories from the wonderful writers in the D/C fandom. All the big bangs this year are phenom!

[identity profile] aerilex.livejournal.com 2011-10-10 10:22 pm (UTC)(link)
This left me absolutely breathless. Cas is so...heartrendingly amazing, and your Cas voice was excellent - so your hard work and struggle with him paid off. There are just so many things I could go back and say about this, I can't even begin to tell you. I always love how raw and real your writing is, and it reached a peak of perfection in this. Castiel's dreams, the unwraveling of Morpheus' true wish for Cas - not Dean, the deal Cas struck to bring his boys home...

Just. Breathless.

<333333

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:12 am (UTC)(link)
BREATHE.

Thank you so much for the lovely compliments! This story was so difficult to write, so I'm glad it worked for you!

<33333333333

[identity profile] sswiftstrike.livejournal.com 2011-10-10 11:18 pm (UTC)(link)
VERY GOOD!!! The ending was very sad, slightly happy, but sad.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:13 am (UTC)(link)
When I came up with the idea a few years ago, the first thing I planned was the ending. I like that it ends on that ambiguously happy/sad note. XD

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you for reading!

[identity profile] -mournthewicked.livejournal.com 2011-10-10 11:54 pm (UTC)(link)
OH GOD. I JUST. THE TALENT.

This was seriously incredible. For a story that the real and true Dean was barely even in, it was so infused with deandeandean the entire time. You never had to stop and question what Cas was fighting for. Just, wow. Heartbreaking and vivid, and simply wonderful.

I was gettign a Neil Gaiman vibe through the whole thing. That's how epic your writing is. I could so easily see picking up on a copy og this on a bookstore shelf.

You are so incredibly talented. I want to write like you when I grow up.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 03:16 am (UTC)(link)
OH HELLO LOVER.

I'm so happy you enjoyed this, Miss C. Like, especially you. You're such a wonderful writer and friend that it really makes me glad that I got to make you feel something (or all the things XD).

OKAY, THIS IS MY LAST REPLY FOR THE NIGHT. I AM LE TIRED. BUT I LOVE YOU. <3333

[identity profile] psi-neko.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 12:43 am (UTC)(link)
This was really great to read and you were able to leave it on a happy note!. Or bittersweet but with happy undertones. I was not expecting you to be able to pull that off.

This was really great to read and it was fun to see how horrifying dreams can be with the imagery and what happens, but it gets written off in the dream as normal. Sam's wife with no face and Jess as a burnt corpse. Things that you would think would tip you off that you're in a dream, but instead it was words. Neat.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 06:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
(deleted comment)

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 06:57 pm (UTC)(link)
What a wonderful comment! Thank you so very much!

[identity profile] lunasky3.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 01:52 am (UTC)(link)
It's not like I was expecting anything less but GOOD GOD

In which this is most utterly gorgeous and achy in all the best ways. Your Cas is perfect and his transition from Castiel was heart breaking. I just want to wax poetic about everything this is. It's magical and dreamlike and a fantastic piece of writing.

Also Nolan can suck it.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 08:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! Writing Cas was hard as fuck. UGH. NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN.

AND DON'T YOU BADMOUTH JESUS CHRIST-OPHER NOLAN.
ext_1246: (Default)

[identity profile] dossier.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 02:12 am (UTC)(link)
I am gobsmacked. So, so, gobsmacked. Castiel as the only framing angel, the thing that makes him who he is, despite the grace given to find Dean, is still the most important one. The kingpin, as it were. The depth of his love is so gorgeous, I'm not surprised that Dean doesn't understand it. But Cas has years and years to makes him get it...

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 08:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! I'm so happy you enjoyed it!

[identity profile] alicat713.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 03:04 am (UTC)(link)
This is so beautiful - lush and painful at the same time. It's breathtaking, truly.

I cannot imagine the depth of love Castiel feels for Dean in this - giving up his Grace, that I can see - but spending eternity in a loveless relationship, dreaming forever of all the could-bes and might-have-beens just so that Sam and Dean can have normal lives? It's mind-blowing and utterly amazing that you can convey that in the written word the way you have.

You have written such a compelling Cas here. He's alien (as always) and yet so indefinably real, concrete, human. I just don't have the words to express how incredible this is, truly. His choices both make my heart swell and clench painfully; how? How can he have this one, short life with Dean (not even knowing if he'll have it WITH Dean) and then go to spend eternity with Morpheus? It's just so painful and lovely.

I never thought anything would top "Named" as my favorite. I'm going to have to read this one a few more times and let it sink in - I'm still reeling here. :)

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 11:02 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm so happy that you liked the way I wrote Cas -- IT WAS FUCKING HARD, SO I'M GLAD IT PAID OFF.

How can he have this one, short life with Dean (not even knowing if he'll have it WITH Dean) and then go to spend eternity with Morpheus?

It's funny that you treat it like a terrible thing. For the original story, I had a sequel planned where the girl character (Cas) goes to Demos Oneiroi after her year's up and the guy character (Dean) goes after her with the intent to kill Morpheus. But when he gets there, she's like, "Actually... he's kind of awesome." BIG TWIST. XD

Anyway, I'm so happy you enjoyed this. Thank you so much!

[identity profile] alexwhitman25.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 03:08 am (UTC)(link)
OMG. *STARS IN MY EYES* ALL THE GLORIOUS MYTHOLOGY!!!

This was incredible and beautiful and engrossing and ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS.

I shouldn't be commenting immediate post reading like this because I'm overwhelmed with the squee and just want to rain HEARTS AND GOLD STARS over you instead of leaving a coherent and thought out response.

Your Cas perspective? Was a thing of wonder. It made me have A LOT OF FEELINGS, beautiful, heart pounding feelings.

You should be so, so proud of what you created here, bb. WELL DONE, MADAME. WELL DONE.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 11:09 pm (UTC)(link)
OH MY GOD, I NEVER COULD HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT YOUR CONSTANT CHEERLEADING. THANK YOU SO MUCH, BB. MWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
ext_393041: perfect Spock (spn)

[identity profile] verizonhorizon.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 04:12 am (UTC)(link)
I know I loved a fic when I finish it only to want to start reading it from the beginning all over again. This was so thoughtful and emotional. I almost cried several times. I thought you did an excellent job with Castiel's POV. And the totem of Dean calling him Cas - that was sweet. I really enjoyed the adventure. I hope Cas gets something like his dream future with Dean!

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 11:09 pm (UTC)(link)
I hope Cas gets something like his dream future with Dean!

Me too. :-D

Thanks for reading! <333

[identity profile] kel-reiley.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 06:34 am (UTC)(link)
I always expect "fucking amazing" from you, but this time you totally blew me away. Your writing is so very visual, and vivid! Honey, I'd watch the fuck out of this movie. Actually... hey, why are we not making movies together yet? We should do something about that.

I don't even have words for how awesome this story is, but I do want to say I loved every single word of it. And I was so happy to see Sam throughout! Sam and Cas are total besties.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 11:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow. Dude, what a compliment! Thanks.

AND YES. WE NEED TO MAKE *ALL* THE ZOMBIE MOVIES.

(no subject)

[identity profile] kel-reiley.livejournal.com - 2011-10-13 03:27 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] nicole-sill.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 08:42 am (UTC)(link)
Hearts and mofo flowers for you darling! This translated into the world of Supernatural very nicely! As I commented in one of the other chapters, your portrayal of Castiel was dead on with its mix of innocence and growing cynicism. Please know that the challenge paid off!

I just read named last month, and now I feel totally spoiled by you. Wonderful rich story telling. Thanks for this!

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 11:11 pm (UTC)(link)
::clutches hearts and mofo flowers:: YAYAYAYAY!

I'm so happy you enjoyed both "Oneiroi" and "Named"! Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback!

[identity profile] naga-battousai.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 08:54 am (UTC)(link)
I was tearing up all at the end, and I'm in a train, and I seriously thought I was going to end up crying on a train and freaking people out. In short, you rock!

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 11:11 pm (UTC)(link)
DON'T CRY ON THE TRAIN. People will look at you funny!

You rock, too! Thank you so much!

[identity profile] electricskeptic.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 11:12 am (UTC)(link)
This is honestly one of the best D/C fics I can remember reading in a very long time, if not ever. Creative, original, tightly plotted... your writing style is extremely fluid and readable, and your character voices are spot-on. Even though real!Dean barely appeared until right at the very end, his presence was threaded through practically every line, and the depth of Castiel's love for him was palpable and breathtaking. I also really love the Sam-and-Cas friendship you built here -- I'm a sucker for D/C fics where Sam has an important role to play, and that element felt very organic to me, based off a mutual concern and love for Dean.

Also? Castiel's voice is hard to get right, but you absolutely nailed it. And that ending hit just the right note of bittersweet. I couldn't have asked for more <3

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-13 01:36 am (UTC)(link)
I AM VERKLEMPT. I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO REPLY TO THIS AMAZING COMMENT SO I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS:

Image

[identity profile] akadougal.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 01:23 pm (UTC)(link)
I kinda don't know what to write here. I loved this and I'm flailing wildly with glee at the sheer loveliness of the writing. But I'm also wrung out by the emotional rollercoaster. I was scared to keep reading at some points, crying (and snotting. Yes. You made me snot) at others. The inevitable revelation that the perfect world was a dream made my stomach churn and also take delight in the sheer happiness exuded. Your prose wrapped me up and whisked me off to that rare place where all you want to do is read and yet not read so the story doesn't ever end.

So I liked this. Plus, you know, dinosaurs.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-13 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
I'm really happy that you liked the writing style and the language. I put a lot of effort into it; I feel like Castiel's mind would be beautiful so I tried to reflect that in the style. It was stupidly hard, but I'm glad it paid off.

I WILL TAKE YOUR SNOT THOUGH.

Thanks so much, bb. <333333

[identity profile] zatnikatel.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 02:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow: what could be better than a really imaginative tale that mixes adventure and genuine emotion, and is wonderfully told? I loved every single word of this, doll: the way you weave myth into your fiction is so clever, because it lends your fic real authenticity. I'm trying to figure out what it reminds me of in tone, and the nearest I can come up with is a sort of cross between Megan Lindholm's Windsinger novels and the movie Jumanji: this fic is imbued all through with a similarly enthralling sense of magic, mystery, danger and surrealism: all the time I was wondering what would come next.

I love your Cas… I struggled with writing Cas POV too in Something Stupid but I think you've gotten a real handle on the stoicism, devotion and loyalty that are the basis for his humanity. The Cas I've seen on the show is so very much the Cas who would give up his Grace again for Dean in this story, even if it dooms him to return to Morpheus (and you better damn well be writing a sequel where they find a loophole!). I loved how Dean came to realize how much Castiel cares about him (it was really only at the end of the fic that I realized Dean hadn't actually been in it very much, but he's ever-present because he's so clearly ever-present to Cas) – it means so much more after 6.22-7.02. So damn bittersweet to have Cas realizing his "future" with Dean was also an illusion.

Just so damn well done, sweetness, really. ♥♥♥♥♥
Edited 2011-10-11 14:51 (UTC)

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-13 01:44 am (UTC)(link)
For the longest time, your Castiel from Something Stupid was how I imagined him. He was so uncertain and bad ass and QUOTING AWESOME MOVIES, and I began questioning my own interpretation of Castiel because it was conflicting with yours. I was starting to make myself a little crazy and decided to go with a more formal, lyrical version, because there was no way I'd ever make him as amazing as yours.

ANYWAY.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the story. Your comments and compliments make all the tears and sleepless nights totally worth it. Thank you so very much. NOW ONTO YOUR DCBB! <3333

(no subject)

[identity profile] zatnikatel.livejournal.com - 2011-10-13 16:01 (UTC) - Expand
silverusagi: (Default)

[personal profile] silverusagi 2011-10-11 07:54 pm (UTC)(link)
The lengths that Castiel is willing to go to to save Dean will always be wonderful and just so purely Castiel. I love how he doesn't even question what he needs to do.

And Cas and Sam! <333

Gabriel, of course, is always a lot of fun.

This was a great read! I'm so glad you finished it!

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-13 01:45 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks, bb! It was a big undertaking but I'm glad it's done.

[identity profile] harper47.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 08:03 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't think I have words. This was . . . . it was agonizing (Heavenly torture), it was thrilling (dinosaurs), it was hot (dream Dean sex) and it was this beautiful friendship with Sam and oh my God then you freaking broke me with the final chapter. Such creativity!

I can't . . . . .really where are my words? I always have words. But now I'm wiping away tears in my office and . . . . .

You use words like thread on a giant loom, weaving them together in crescendos of imagery and then the quiet moments like "I don't want to be awake in a world without you" . . . . . This was beautifully, heartbreakening written. Thank you for sharing this.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-13 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
Wow. I... don't know what to say to such a beautiful comment. "Thank you" seems so inadequate, but it's really all I've got. So, thank you. <33333333

[identity profile] sirensung.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 08:49 pm (UTC)(link)
*__* This was incredible! Your writing is seriously so beautiful, and your Cas voice was perfect. I loved the Sam and Cas friendship, and Dean! Even though the non-dream him doesn't really show up until the later parts, he felt so present throughout the story because of Cas's love for him. Really gorgeous work. Thank you for sharing it! <333

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-13 03:32 am (UTC)(link)
Wow! Thank you so much! <3

[identity profile] obstinatrix.livejournal.com 2011-10-11 11:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Once again I beat my fists and wail at my inability to leave a comment worthy of things as brilliant as this fic is. I knew you were going to produce something astounding, but this is -- I can't even express. I've been looking forward to this since you told me the concept of it on Twitter months ago, and you did not disappoint. I call instant classic. :D

You're wonderful. Talent of a kind that makes me want to just give up and go home.

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-13 03:33 am (UTC)(link)
OH GOD I AM HAVING A FLAILY FANGIRL MOMENT BECAUSE YOU ARE ONE OF MY ALL-TIME FAVES AND I AM NOT WORTHY.

Moment's over. NO IT'S NOT.

OMG THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR SUCH HIGH PRAISE. COMING FROM YOU? IT MEANS THE WORLD.

[identity profile] mementis.livejournal.com 2011-10-12 12:25 am (UTC)(link)
What an utterly fantastic story this was -- lyrical, achy, atmospheric, downright painful in parts, romantic... all the best things. You are so immensely talented, and I'm so grateful for this story right now. I'd have read it blissfully had you sold it, either as novella or novel, but at the same time I'm so selfishly glad you wrote it for us, instead. :)

Thank you. <3

[identity profile] mclachlan.livejournal.com 2011-10-13 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
Oh goodness, thank you so much! <333333

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