mclachland | Oneiroi [epilogue]

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Oneiroi [epilogue]

prologue | one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | epilogue

There is a tree on a sun-soaked hill, an elm with resigned branches that births globules of light and thought, heavy fruit sprouting wings. They tear from the boughs and fly away, leaving the sad elm, never to return and never missed. More blossom in their place almost immediately.

He studies it -- this well-oiled machine -- and is so engrossed in the process that he does not hear the heavy footsteps in the grass behind him.

"It was the first of my dreams," Dean says, coming to stand beside Cas. He shoves his hands into his pockets and looks up at the tree with a critical eye -- usually reserved for the Impala or a piece of pie. Except this is not Dean. "I wanted an extension of me, a piece to do my work should I find myself far away. A part of me, a dream that dreams."

"It is magnificent," Cas admits, watching the process with awe. The fruit, the creatures he has come to know and fear and understand, pull away and drift into the sky. The oneiroi will find the minds of the inhabitants of some world out there, whether it is Earth or a place that does not know of angels and humans and a failed deity's kingdom. He tracks them until they leave his sight.

Dean rocks on his heels and then gazes out into the fields, sunlight reflected back in his eyes, his skin, and Cas is not sure how he could have ever thought this poorly-made copy was Dean Winchester. "It will not be long. A blip. A blink. A breath, and then you will finally be here, my Castiel, dreaming of me."

At the bottom of the hill, the tall grasses rustle and part, and Cas cannot contain the smile that blossoms across his face.

"Cas!"

He shakes his head, still smiling. "You're mistaken. It's true that someday I will be here. I will dream for you, perhaps even with you, but… I will never dream of you."

His words are final, and he leaves Morpheus on the hill to wait for the end of this blip, blink, breath.

Running down the gilded slope to join Dean, Cas holds him careful and close, swallowing his laughter and pulling him back into the grass, into gold, until they disappear.

“As I lay me down to sleep, this I pray:
that you will hold me dear.
Though I'm far away I whisper your name into the sky,
and I will wake up happy.”

End.

Notes:

So, I guess when I said that "Named" was my first and last Big Bang story, I lied. "Oneiroi" was a long time in coming, actually, having first been an original screenplay about a girl who goes into Demos Oneiroi to rescue the kid she's in love with. In 2009, I was gearing up to seriously give thought to shopping it around when I heard that Christopher Nolan was making a movie about dreams. I ended up shelving it, because who would ever contend with Christ Nolan (even if our plots were completely and utterly different)? I ended up using it for my DCBB mostly because I had only a month to write it and I could come up with nothing else.

Writing from Castiel's POV was the hardest thing about it and I probably (re: definitely) will never do that again.

I'm glad I wrote it, but I'm fucking stoked it's over. On to new things!

Thanks:

I would be completely in the wrong if I didn't thank the people who yelled/cajoled/threatened/bribed/sat up until the wee hours of the morning with/loved me throughout June and July.

First and foremost, thanks to my betas

peroxidepest17 and

nanoochka for pretty much carrying me through the writing process. I'm sure they were ready to murder me in cold blood if I were to say "OH GOD I CAN'T DO THIS" one more time, and no jury would convict them. Between the late night chats, treating them like my own personal sounding board, and bothering them around 2am and pleading for reassurance, I honestly couldn't have done it without them. Thank you so very much. I owe you girls everything -- and by everything, I mean most if not all of my viable, transplantable organs. I love you both.

Thanks to

miki_moo, my fabulous artist, for her wonderful work! She is one of the sweetest, most enthusiastic people I've ever had the privilege of working with. She did a great job -- EVERYONE GO CHECK OUT HER ART!

Thanks to

timetravel,

staraflur,

nightanddaze,

alexwhitman25, and everyone else who cheerleaded/kicked my ass.

And, of course, as always: thanks to

tigbit for being there. <3

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Lovely ending.

"I will dream for you, perhaps even with you, but… I will never dream of you."

This line just summed it all up. No matter what Morpheus throws at Cas, no matter how persuasive or manipulative he is, no matter how quickly he gives into anything Cas asks of him, or how much he makes himself look, sound and act like Dean, Cas will never feel for him what he feels for Dean.

Laura.

Thank you so much!

My mind is blown.

I actually feel kind of fragile after reading this. I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad so I'm stuck sitting here with tears in my eyes and a weird trembly smile on my face.

The mythology in this fic is staggering and amazing. And Morpheus is a complete asshole.

But, ultimately, mythos aside, this is the story of Castiel's love for Dean and what depths he would go to for his human. What sacrifices he is willing to make. And oh are they ever gut-wrenching sacrifices.

And the dreams! The beautiful dream life. It was like we got fic wrapped in fic and I only hope that Dean, Cas, and Sam got to achieve the kind of happiness or something close to it in reality.

Another thing I appreciated about this fic was the way it pointed out how both Sam and Dean take advantage of Cas and are always assuming the worst about him. The way Sam was shown the things that Cas had gone through for them had me shouting, "FINALLY!"

So yeah. Brilliant fic. You've emotionally ruined me for the night.

Another thing I appreciated about this fic was the way it pointed out how both Sam and Dean take advantage of Cas and are always assuming the worst about him. The way Sam was shown the things that Cas had gone through for them had me shouting, "FINALLY!"

RIGHT?! I was so thrilled when Rachel called the Winchesters on their bullshit.... only to have her be killed off two seconds later. But that scene really hammered it home for me that not only do the boys take advantage of Cas but EVERYONE ELSE sees it too. Their one-way street friendship with Castiel always pissed me off and I always wanted to address it in fic -- seemed appropriate to bring it up here!

Anyway, I'm so glad you enjoyed this fic! Now wipe away those tears. <333

You killed me. I'm sitting here, sobbing my heart out, and can barely breathe because you've just... broken me.

This was beautiful in a thousand ways, and still so very, very sad.

*cries*

Oh, bb, don't cry. <3333

Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

I finished reading this yesterday, but I really have to reply and tell you how incredible this was. Such a rich, interesting story, full of just so much pain and truths and everything we never get to see in show.

The image of Morpheus will always, to an extend, be set as Neil Gaiman's Dream, but still the idea of him being more powerful than God was a really unique idea. I would be interested to understand why Morpheus was so interested in keeping Cas as his own. I think your Sam and Cas relationship was beautifully realised, your Gabriel too, and of course, I adored the dinosaurs!

In all, thank you for sharing this, and it was an amazing read that kept me reading for many many hours!

Coming from you, that is the biggest and best compliment. Ever. Thank you so very much for reading and commenting!

sdlfkghalksdfhlakdsfj;.

Oh my goodness, this fic. You have slain me. I started bawling in chapter 7 and didn't stop until now and just. Gahhhhh! This was absolutely beautiful, everything I never knew I needed, and, for what it's worth, I'd totally prefer this over Nolan's Inception (that's not to say it wasn't good but this fic blows it out of the water.)

There are so many things I want to spazz at you for but we'd be here all day if I did. Just. Your writing was fantastic, I could visualize everything perfectly in my head, and Cas' characterization was so spot-on and heartbreaking and glaksdjfaf.

Basically, ALL THE FEELINGS <333333

I'd totally prefer this over Nolan's Inception (that's not to say it wasn't good but this fic blows it out of the water.) LET'S NOT GO OVERBOARD NOW. XD

Man, I am so glad you enjoyed it so much! Thank you for reading and commenting!

Such an incredibly imaginative, beautiful story.

Thank you so much!

I enjoyed reading this story. (took me 3 nights!)
I actually shipped more Cas and Sam - I enjoyed their friendship a lot.
What you said about Cas doing everything for Dean, just as Dean did everything for Sam was very IC and canon. I recall I cried during the scene Cas decided to sacrifice himself (yet AGAIN!) for Dean.

Thank you so very much! I'm so glad you enjoyed the story!

Hello! I am late as usual, which is terrible because if I had read this earlier then I could have read it again by now!

Sigh, RC, SIGH. This is so good, damn you. Your descriptive power is amazing, especially the dreams. The whole thing is so thrilling and I love the ending; it's so beautifully measured.

Fantastic job, you beautiful girl.

WELCOME TO THE PARTY!

Oh god, K, you have no idea how hard writing this was. Never doing this bullshit again. I'm glad you liked it, though! NOW THAT IT'S DONE WITH, YOU'LL GET TO HEAR ME BITCHING ABOUT THE SUITS SUPERHERO FIC I'M GONNA BE WRITING! LUCKY YOU!

<333333

So, I actually read this the first day it was posted, but I read on my cellphone and replying from that is embarrassing (it hates LJ and refuses to let me capitalize letters). Better late than never?

Anyway, I really enjoyed this, even though I thought I was pretty much over dreamscape!fic. First of all, DINOSAURS. I was a kid when Jurassic Park came out, and some of those scenes are imprinted on brain, yo (mostly the one when the dinosaurs run over the crest of the hill). I loved the Sam was obsessed with them, because of course kid!Sam would love dinosaurs.

But I think what I liked the most was the happy/not-happy ending, where Castiel gets to have Dean, but it'll be a fleeting, quick thing, and then he'll spend the rest of eternity with Morpheus. And that's really the best thing he could possibly hope for, since he'd go to Hell otherwise. That right there is exactly the kind of ending that makes me happy – it's happy, sorta, on the surface, but it's very far from happily ever after. I'm kinda a terrible person?

Anyway. Yeah. I liked this lots.

Talk about better late than never! Sorry it took so long for me to reply!

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story -- but I'm especially glad you liked the ending. I'm quite proud of it. It's happy... yet, not quite. When I first came up with the idea for the screenplay, it was the ending I thought of and then built everything else around it. If you're kinda a terrible person for liking it, I'm a soulless bitch for writing it. <3333

So I read this the first night it came out, but I'm really bad at leaving comments for fic that I enjoy. I loved this fic so much that I think I need to start getting over that and fast. Because it was superb, and I think that your Cas voice was perfect and I wish there could be some episode (or movie cause its pretty long) so it could be recognized as the awesome it is

Thank you so much!

Wow. You really are an extraordinarily talented writer. I must admit that this broke my heart as much as it blew me away because CAS! :'( I so desperately want that loophole, though I suppose this fate isn't so bad, heh. Sequel? ;)

I found myself furious with Dean and touched by Sam and so desperately in love with Castiel (much like in the S7 premiere!) - This was cathartic to read in many ways because it was a tribute and testament to the character of Castiel, to his loyalty and his constant, unconditional sacrifice for Dean and Sam. I'm glad that they acknowledged it, in this fic at least. So please write from Cas' POV again because you do it brilliantly!

Gah, I need a box of tissues and to go re-read Named, LOL. This absolutely shattered me in many ways but I love that this was such a unique, creative gem of an idea. Excellent job, as always.

Wow! Thank you so much! Now dry those eyes, bb. <333

Wow just WOW!!! I just finished reading this and it was incredible! I just couldnt stop reading. You are a gifted writer!!! <333333

Thank you very much! <3

Fuck Inception. Seriously. I wanna see this movie. My gods the imagery. O.O

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

This. I. Just. Wow.

To be honest I don't know where to begin! This story is fantastic!! I couldn't put it down and with every chapter I thought, holy moly, this can't get better but yes, yes, it did.

First off, I loved your Cas. He's perfect! Anxious and determined, fiercely loyal and he dreams. That is such a neat, beautiful idea. Also, the twist at the end? Perfect!

I liked Iris a lot too. The blend between small-town lady and uncompromising ancient goddess was delightfully creepy. Hm, in fact I loved all the characters, both the ones you included from the show and your OCs. Especially Olivia! I really can see her being Sam's kid! And oh, do I adore the idea of Sam as a dad.

The way you captured Cas and Sam's friendship was gorgeous, too. I liked how Sam came to understand what Dean means to Cas and that he's fully behind Cas in this. The scene in the boat was amazing, beautfully subtle and heart-achy.

What made my throat squeeze tight though was Cas' dream about him and Dean living together. All those little details, like Cas' soft-worn shirt and the creaking stairs create such a palpable sense of home it made me ache for Cas. He dreams of such simple things and after everything he's given up for the sake of others, waking up to Dean cooking bacon shouldn't be too much to ask. So, yeah, I really like that the story ends on a hopeful note!

I could go on forever but basically? I'm head over heels in love with this fic. It's tightly plotted, the landscape descriptions are stunning and the character voices so honest and real it makes me want to read on endlessly. Thank you so much for sharing this!!

(Say, would it be okay if I added you to my flist? I'd really like to keep track of your writing)

Oh my goodness, what a comment! I don't even know how to reply to this; I'm all flustered and blushing. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to leave such a wonderful comment!

(Please, feel free! :-D)

oh my god, i was actually sure that i left comment for this one since i read it around the time you posted and loved it to death. i can't imagine all the research you must have done to write this amazing story and connect all the dots. and also it was interesting to read a story from the point of view of castiel but you captured his thoughts. he never stopped being the Castiel i loved.

Thank you again.

Thank you so much1 I'm so glad you liked it!

You are incredible at setting a mood. Whether it be terrifying, existentially despairing, or just kind of surreal, you do it. I'm so out of emotion after reading this. I love everything you tell in this story and all the things you don't tell - that you let me figure out on my own.

If this was made into the movie you mentioned, I'd just Photoshop Cas's and Dean's faces in.

My mad photoshop skillz could probably handle that. :-D

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

I have no words. I feel like I could write a thousand but never really say what I mean to. Needless to say, I am wiping away tears as I type this.

This was beautiful. Amazing. Brilliant. I sincerely hope this isn't the last time you write in the SPN fandom because it would be a tragedy.

Thank you for writing this. :)

Well, that was utterly beautiful, as it had to be, coming from you. It was kind of a happy ending in a way, but still totally sad and doomed-feeling, so pretty awesome for spn.

And you made Cas so human and still so Cas, really made me realise just how human of a character Cas is.

I just loved it. So much.

And there we're dinosaurs!

Sorry this is so late! RL got hella busy.

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story. I'M EVEN HAPPIER YOU ENJOYED THE DINOSAURS! They were my favorite part. XD

That was honestly the most beautiful piece of fan fiction I have ever read. I'm a huge softie so I cry a lot, but this... this was just something else. I just read the whole thing in one go and am pretty speechless at the moment, so sorry for the lack of proper reviewing... I love, love, love how you managed to make Castiel's love story an unrequited tragedy and a romantic happy ending at the same time, because as much as I love stories that are all cotton candy and rainbows, this was way more fitting, way more credible, and way more satisfying on a literary level. (Look at me getting all sophisticated.)

I loved the whole thing (particularly the mad chasing scene with Gabe, who was awesome, btw XD), but the part that unceremoniously stole a huge chunk of my heart and made itself at home in the empty place was everything from the moment Cas realized it wasn't the real Dean popping the question. It was so heartbreaking that I pretty much bawled my eyes out until the sweet treat at the end of the epilogue.

Also loved the fact that even though it was basically a DeanxCas fic, it was so much about Cas and Sam's friendship because I always feel that part gets left out.

(On a side note, I probably got even more kicks out of this because my iTunes thought it very clever to play the Inception soundtrack while I was reading this. Fit fucking perfectly.)

Oh, sweets, thank you so much. I'm sorry you cried, though! (Kinda. Sorta. Not really. XD)

And your iTunes clearly knows what's up. I will admit, the scene at the end when Cas makes the deal with Morpheus and rises into the air with the oneiroi? "Time" was on repeat while I wrote it. XD

(no subject)

angeltrap.livejournal.com - 2011-12-14 19:37 (UTC) - Expand

Oh this was absolutely beautiful. I loved the way you wrote Cas, the descriptions of the dreams are so vivid, and the imagery is gorgeous. I loved it.

Thank you so much! <333

....that was wonderful. \*o*/ It was exciting and thrilling and heart-wrenching and so much love love love!!! Ooh, my eyes are swollen from crying too much. T_T Absolutely loved every word of it. Thank you. ^_^

Awww, dry those eyes, bb! Thank you so much for reading! <333

Ok, so I read this and was totally engrossed in the plot and the Castiel and the everything.

I'm sure that almost everything that I want to gush about has been said, but there is this one thing I just need to fangirl over.

I love Morpheus. I don't think he is super terrible, or bad, because I mean, this guy is super old and is everything. I believe that Castiel needed to have his grace taken, he needed to learn the intricacies humanity, he needed to learn what love is. He had to love Dean and Sam. He is this creature who contains so much knowledge, and imagination, and now love. He couldn't be a companion to Morpheus if he did not have those experiences. Castiel's love for Oliva, endlessly imaginative and curious being he created which I feel represented those qualities in his self andddd there is so much more, but...you wrote the story right? hahah

I think that Castiel will grow to be fond of Morpheus. I feel sad that Dean and Castiel won't be together for eternity, but then again, it's always been like 'Dean and Sam' in the end I guess. I truly believe Castiel will find something resembling peace in Demos Oneiroi.

Yeah, I am pretty much fangirling this so hard.

Another thing, while I was reading this I thought to myself that this would make an amazing movie. You got across the visual aspects amazingly well. The scene with Castiel moving towards the always far away gate of horn, and the dinosaurs, basically everything. A movie version would be amazing.

I was also so worried that you weren't going to be able to finish this well.(I also haven't read anything by you before, but I definitely have to catch up!) Only because I've read fic that took on too much and it felt like they couldn't resolve the ending. This obviously wasn't a problem. Your pacing was wonderful. You packed in so much information and feelings and it was really wonderful.

I also fucking love epic stories like this. Cas is such a baddass.

Thank you for making my hung over Sunday super magical.

Omg, that was pretty much a novel.

You don't have to respond hahaha, I just wanted you to know I cried like a baby and fell in love and it was wonderful.

(no subject)

mclachlan.livejournal.com - 2011-12-13 17:23 (UTC) - Expand

This is just...amazing. Breathtaking. Nothing I can say will do justice to it. ♥

Wow! What a compliment! Thank you so much!

(deleted comment)

Oh man, what a wonderful comment. I'm so happy you enjoyed so many things about the story, especially the way I portrayed Sam. I'm not sure where the stigma came from that if you write Dean/Castiel then you must hate Sam. I fucking love Sam. In fact, next to Castiel, Sam is my favorite main character. He's so relatable, I feel; he's a perfect representation of humanity. And I agree that sometimes he gets knocked a bit to the wayside in D/C fic, but I don't think you can have a SPN fic of any ship without him being fully present in some way.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading and commenting! <3333

What a unique concept you developed! I enjoyed reading this a lot, your prose flows so well and it's really evocative. I also really liked that you focused a lot of this story on Cas and Sam's friendship, it doesn't happen often and I loved that you decided to delve into it :)

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed the story (especially the Sam-Cas friendship)!

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